mother on the left
father on the right
mother on my heart
father on my mind

i am of two
i am of one
i am

one day he was a man with space,
he thought,
space enough for all and every thing
until…
a voice whispered in the quiet –

“there is more”

and scratch and scratch and scratch he did
as though upon his coffin lid,
as though he was encased within
a grave made from his bones and skin

let me go, let me go
that i might take my leave;
let me go, let me go
that i might stop and grieve
that there are bigger things in this world
some of which i cannot reach

Many organizations – be they corporate, government, family, or faith deal with fracture from time to time.

Sometimes that fracture is myriad and has been in place for a very long time and become a part of the culture of the organization. Other times the fracture is slight and simple and easy to repair.

Whatever the case fracture is ultimately a deep concern for leadership. While it may occur in small and out of the way places it is up to leadership to ensure that systems are in place to catch and repair said fractures before they become endemic and difficult.

One way to avoid fracture (or at least limit it) is to model unity. The best (only) place for such modelling is at the top of the organization. Depending upon your setting this could be parents, a board of directors, a city council or a legislative assembly.

It is the head of the organization that sets the tone for the body so to speak. While having a strong and united leadership will not guarantee unity in the body it goes a long way toward preventing disunity.

To put it another way – no amount of investment in the body to ensure unity and strength will be fruitful if there is disunity and conflict at the top. This is the place to first andf foremost get under control before spending a great deal of resources elsewhere.

What does unity look like? It does not look like everybody agreeing with one another all of the time – but when push comes to shove and key decisions are made there is agreement and not a constant split.

A strength of leadership is required to assure this occurs and is sustainable. Not a dictatorial leadership (although sometimes a firm hand is required) but a leadership that listens to all sides, communicates effectively and is willing to compromise for the sake of the unity we are discussing.

Strong, united, transparent and communicative leadership models the same for the sub-structures within the organization. Unity breeds unity. The reverse is also true – chaos breeds chaos, and it does so faster and easier.

A strong, united group at the head will not suffer disunity and conflict to survive long in the body. They will seek to deal with it as quickly as possible using the same methodology they used to create and sustain their own unity.

However if an impasse is reached and disunity continues a strong leadership should not hesitate to simply cut the source of the conflict from the body as a cancer is removed from a sick individual.

look!
there upon the wood pile
is a heart full of dusty, old ink
and if you watch careful like
you can see it beats
from time to time
a withered thing
it sprays out messages
with every wheezing pump

“i am”
“i matter”

words of the scared
blind and lost in the dark
shuddering with the throes of death

“should we cast it to the fire?”

but no…
we leave it where it is
that we might not become

i n f e c t e d

and lost in the same shadows

Not much is known about Asaph. What we do know is he was a worship leader in Israel during the time of King David. How difficult it must have been to be responsible for worship under the auspices of the writer of the Psalms…talk about a shadow.

Of all the writings I find in scripture none touches me more than a Psalm of Asaph – Psalm 73. More than any other writing from cover to cover this is, by an enormous margin, my favorite.

Asaph is bitter, jealous, frustrated, angry, lost, dark, sad, overlooked and fairly cynical at times – Asaph is my spirit animal.

He writes in Psalm 73:

Surely God is good to Israel,

Push it down
beneath the fold
and make it
go away
send it
to the inside
to the pages
where the local
stories go
and make it
go away
cut it
from the newsprint
line your bird cages
send it down the drain/
like so many
paper boats
and make it
go away
but instead
you swallowed it whole
and it sits like coal
burning from the inside
when you should
make it
go
away

so let the sun rise slow
over the crystaline white
over the frozen bright
this covering of pure snow

let it blind me
that i might see
what otherwise
would have stayed hidden
and thus
i am free

i am at a loss. i cannot sleep. to be called the horror that used to tear you to pieces…to be accused of being the monster under your own bed. difficult.

suck it up. move on. be a man…and every other toxic shit that you can imagine pours through my skull.

to be told by someone you’ve never met that “they know who you are” and that “they know what you are” when i don’t even know myself fully…

i know. don’t listen. don’t empower. i know.

you just want to wall up.
you just want to lash out.
you want to be anger, and blackness, and an absence of all things.

i want to be empty.

TRUE STORY: I was rounding a corner onto Stephen Street near 12th on my bike this morning when a gentlemen (let’s call him douche bag) called out to me –

DOUCHE BAG: I hope you fall off that thing!
ME: What the hell man?
DB: Yeah I hope you break you f!#@ing neck asshole!
ME: (easily baited, i think – this could be fun) Good morning to you too! (over friendly game show host voice)
DB: (Incoherent anger)
ME: Enjoy your w a l k beautiful!
DB: More ragey anger fading into the background

People are weird. What causes a short, (almost gnome-sized) semi-bearded man between 25-35 years old to start cursing out a stranger simply because he rides by on a bike? Sadness? Meth? Sadness and meth? So odd.

I get it. It’s a rough time of year for a lot of people but trying to get into a fight with a stranger will definitely NOT make it better.