a loss

i am at a loss. i cannot sleep. to be called the horror that used to tear you to pieces…to be accused of being the monster under your own bed. difficult.

suck it up. move on. be a man…and every other toxic shit that you can imagine pours through my skull.

to be told by someone you’ve never met that “they know who you are” and that “they know what you are” when i don’t even know myself fully…

i know. don’t listen. don’t empower. i know.

you just want to wall up.
you just want to lash out.
you want to be anger, and blackness, and an absence of all things.

i want to be empty.

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