the ever growing darkness

i looked up and into time
deep into the cold and pin-pricked black
and i saw a silvery star go out
like an eye that stopped looking back

i looked up and into space
and the witnesses went away
one after one after one
they fell, lost to the night, lost to the day
until we were consumed
by the ever growing darkness

one

i wanted to stay in the same room with her
as long as possible
that we might breathe the same air,
and consume the dusty sunlight
that slanted through the south window
and across the broken wood floor.
i wanted to listen to her breathing
and synchronize my ins and outs with hers
and just live for a few moments
in a desperate silence
punctuated by cars in the distance
penetrating our stillness
through a small crack in the pane
that we might become one for a little while;
to stretch these seconds out till it seemed they might break
because eternity can be so short sometimes

Why I Would be a Shit Politician

Every so often someone tells me I should run for political office. I am never certain if I should be flattered or offended. I know they mean well but it just wouldn’t work for me.

My ideals and beliefs are all over the map when it comes to the political realm. I can be fiscally conservative in some areas and socially exceedingly liberal in other areas. My typical response to virtually every question and hypothetical is “it depends” and “what works in this circumstance may not work in that” etc.

You get the idea.

Politics (at least as it is structured today) requires you to subscribe to a fairly detailed set of beliefs and positions as defined broadly by your political party and/or party leader.

I have a difficult time aligning myself because I cannot systematize and enshrine my positions to such a degree. Culture changes, I change, the world changes on a moment by moment basis and so too must positions in relation to this. The world is not a static easy to define concrete floor inside of a room safe from the elements. The world is like the ocean – at times stormy, at times calm, sometimes sunny, sometimes cloudy, sometimes day or night. In such circumstances you must hold agile and flexible positions to ride out the swells so-to-speak.

The rigidness of the current political environment and structure leads to intransigence and division and a constant state of opposition with little to no thought. This is unhelpful and stagnates progress.

I cannot succeed in such an environment. I would be called out for being wishy washy, and incapable of making a decision because of my constant need to evaluate circumstance.

No, I would be a shit politician – always at odds with the party and often incapable of towing the party line.

Some have said “but there is not party in municipal politics”.

This may be so but the populace is so indoctrinated to party politics it still matters at the municipal level. It would be easy for people to push you out based on defining you by party lines. It still matters to people.

 

Time

There is no such thing as past and future – only present.

The past is an idea used to explain why the present exists and all that is in it. It helps to explain memory, but it doesn’t confirm anything.

The future is simply a phrase for unrealized hope or expectation.

The present is the only thing. These thoughts rise from the idea of the continuity of consciousness that I have been preoccupied with of late. A stretch of awareness broken by sleep.

Even stretch is too much. The present is only now parentheses-ed by our need to explain that we are, and our hope/expectation that we will be.

When we sleep do we awaken or are we something new filled with the memories of a departed life? Has every momentary me before now died to be replaced by me now? It seems likely.

The present is forever now and forever gone and forever will be. That we are aware of these things tells us something of what we call time and it’s mutability.

We are surfing time right now…not so much moving through it as on it. How we move depends on our speed relative to the object we call home. Yet the universe is expanding at a rate faster than light (at least on the edge). How that must mess with time there.

But for now I should stop writing as I seem to have run out of time. 😉

 

friends

“hey! give me a chance”
i yelled after him as he turned to leave.

“if you just take the time to get to know me,
i mean really dig past this dark facade,
i think you will find that beneath it all,
i really am  – a true  and complete asshole.”

he stopped in his tracks, turned and said –
“ok man – you convinced me with your compelling logic.”

we’ve been friends ever since.

sometimes we talk to the ones who are gone

sometimes we talk to the ones who are gone
but it’s ok because no one knows
and we’ll keep our secrets tight-fisted
and close to our hard-barred chests

i won’t tell the wicked world
the things you do in the dark
if you lay a wreath for me sometime
in memory of restraint and quiet passing

sometimes we talk to the ones who are gone
like jesus and muhammed and mum
gone now and mischievously quiet, smiling
as we cry and plead into a dark that does not echo

but there are lights in the sky
and the universe is endless so maybe
it’s all ok and i will be me tomorrow
and not some impostor waking in my skin

i sense a theme developing

pour into me whatever you are
that i might become something;
send me your fire anger and hate
that i might be black and rage;
or send your green life heart
that i might become a new and growing thing,
just send something…

you can scream into my blank cave face
and i will send it echoing back at you;
or maybe weep that my heart might break
and bleed your own unbound tears at your feet.

i’m a stretched canvas…waiting…