Finally picked up a new controller (Elite Core 2) and started playing The Blood of Dawnwalker vampire rpg…so far pretty awesome. Playing on Ultra settings at 1440.

Joy blossoms in the strangest places. I am grateful for the opportunity to feel joy in the midst of darkness. I am grateful to be able to share joy with someone who brings so much of it.

I reflect a lot these days about what and who i have since the untimely death of my little sister April. My good fortune is immeasurable.

To have the amazing family i have. To watch my children thriving and to have someone who i can be vulnerable with and who, in turn, it’s vulnerable with me… this is treasure held in your hand.

There is light in this home. There is laughter and love. What more can one ask for?

to my beautiful corvus
you four shining stars
that lighten my southern sky
as you rise in the spring
the brightest jewels
to ever cross my eye
i only have words to leave –

to kraz i say
do not be afraid
fear is the mind-killer
you know this

to algorab i say
remember this truth
you are loved
and you always will be

to minkar i say
you can do anything
failure is simply opportunity
to learn new ways

and to my precious gienah
who brought life
where once i was dead
you are complete
in who you are
and in all you do
a wonder to behold
now and forever

i love you all
may flights of ravens
sing you to sleep

it is true
that one can lose sight of the stars
if you were to fall into a black hole
forgetting that they are with you
the whole way to oblivion
never leaving you alone

If i could

I would take my anxiety

I would take my sadness

Out to the back yard

Strangle them

Shoot them in the head

And dump them in the well

If i could

I would

You,

You are but a shadow

Against this present light

A black, featureless silhouette

Without form or threat

Like a ghost outside the house

With no hope of entry

Fading away

In tears

I stumbled across this quote and it has lived in my head since:

“What you are unwilling to sacrifice is what you value most.” – Anonymous

It is worth pondering… ruminating on. With the recent death of my youngest sister I have been thinking about what and who I value most.

It occurs to me that this quote tells me that the things I am unwilling to sacrifice, even for something I deeply desire, are the things and people I most love.

It seems like common sense but I still find it helpful and hopeful.

They wondered aloud

And also in private

If the second law

Of thermodynamics

Was the first law

Of relationships

But in the end

They lost their train of thought

And fell into that sleep

Quiet is the night

Everywhere

But within one’s head

And the endless storm

It rolls on and on

So that even the dark

Cannot take it away

Nor the bright white light

Of a dawning new day

We love our backyard tenant who has become used to us as we go to and fro.