this road
it ends, it ends
a ways away
tomorrow or
today
but not before
the undone’s done
pray
not before
the setting sun
casts a last shadow
along the space
between my feet
and the hearts
I wish to keep
Month: April 2013
A Prolonged Amen
“Our Father”
is lifted like a white flag
again and again and again
words flung to the abyss
like torn, falling fingertips
scrabbling for any hold
on the grey cliff that races past
to “the glory” and beyond
to the “Amen”…
that long, prolonged Amen
a waiting wish that it may be
– may it be –
a strained Amen that waits
like a hand held above the water’s edge
The Dark
The only thing scarier then knowing you are not alone in the dark is knowing that you are…completely and absolutely alone. When we pray into the dark we want to know we are praying to one who is there…but it is dark and the temptation to feel alone is so very strong and so very real that one feels the weight of it crushing in…
An empty dark is the first step to hopelessness (and hopelessness only requires one step really).
It all turns on a dime (sometimes literally) – the difference between being aware of a presence and not. Immediate circumstances threaten to drown out the soft and gentle voice of the one who holds the dark at bay…the one whose presence banishes it.
I feel the stress of trying to be responsible with my life.
I feel the gravity of wanting to fall away from it all and leave responsibility behind in favour of madness.
I am tethered to the ground by the ones I love and am afraid if I fall I will pull them down with me and there will be know one to lift me up so that my feet do not touch the rocks below.
But fear of falling does not prevent falling. Being tethered to ones higher than you does not prevent falling.
Viginti Quinque de Aprilis
it is warm today
as if our sleeping spring
has finally wakened
while a brighter sun
sends a whiter light
than has been seen
this is a promise day
a day that speaks to life
a day that sings of new,
summer’s short shadows
banished in the blue
Fear in the Faithful
There is fear in the faithful…have you noticed?
For the faithful to be characterized by fear, hate, anger, and distrust does not speak well of the one they have faith in.
That faith which has been given to us is supposed to offer strength, confidence, love, compassion, peace, joy, gratitude, forgiveness, patience, understanding and yet these are not the typical words used by outsiders to describe our communities anymore.
Why?
We can certainly rationalize and claim that they just don’t understand love when they see it. We can say that sometimes love hurts; sometimes love is tough; sometimes love looks like hate…wait a minute…can we say that?
The thing about these gifts we have been given (love, joy, peace etc) is that they were supposed to be attractive. These attributes were as much for outsiders as for insiders as they are all outward facing and designed to draw the world in to a new world emerging from the old. So to suggest that because they are on the outside they do not understand the true nature of love is not only a tad patronizing it is also simply wrong.
The community of faith is meant to be an attractive community because the world is already drowning in judgement and darkness. It is meant to be that lighthouse guiding people to safe harbour.
What happens when the lighthouse starts scaring people away and driving them to the rocks?
Something is wrong when we are afraid to love and forgive because we assume it suggests permissiveness.
Something is definitely wrong.
Why?
Why, in the end, should we do anything that God asks us to do? Because God is God.
Why, in the end, do we fail so often to do what God asks us to do? Because we are human.
Neither answers are satisfying and the gulf between them is so enormous we cannot bridge it. Given what and who we understand God to be there is no explanation that can be given that would satisfy our desire to know because we are simply not capable of understanding the mind of God.
We do not like being in a position of “just do what your told and don’t ask questions” and yet our very nature limits our understanding. We should keep this in mind when attempting to make broad and sweeping judgments based on what we think scripture says or means.
As I have said before I believe scripture to be revealed truth but it is perfect truth revealed in imperfect language to imperfect people and translated and interpreted through numerous imperfect filters.
Handle with care.
Every Bible should have those words emblazoned in BRIGHT BOLD font across the front – HANDLE WITH CARE – Too often we treat it like a grenade, pull the pin, lob it into the lives of people around us and hope for the best while the carnage piles up.
Sometimes I think being left with more questions is better than having answers…less comfortable certainly…but humbling.
alone is a bottle of water
alone is a bottle of water
poured willfully into the desert
by the parched and the dry
so as to weep at abandonment
stolen by the thirsty earth
again and again and again
to spent and mingled ashes
love and hate
are bullets fired
from the same gun
but one is ice
to cool a hot heart
while the other
a shot of fire
to enflame kindred spirit
that two would burn
as bright flares
to spent and mingled ashes
Kindle me
there’s a transparent angry man
staring at me across the table
while I hide behind my coffee cup’s edge
and I can see from his empty eyes
he wants to burn it all down
starting with kindle me
if I weren’t rotten wood
bound to the damp and corroding earth
Brick edge
look
at the steel clad
yellow brick edge
it runs the sky
10 stories high
and I want to walk
relaxed along its line
that the wind might catch
these billowing thoughts
lifting me when I fall
carrying me on cables
of my own creation
sunk deep into my bones
Harnessing Chaos 