Herein lies actual monolog of yours truly secretly transcribed by wife while watching me on my way to battle two giant gargoyles in Elden Ring:

Gaming Transcript

March 3, 2024

There’s like nothing here.

Huh.

There’s probably stuff here but I just don’t have the patience to find it.

Nope.

Oh I forgot a thing.

Alright, well at least I opened up something. Fires.

That’s how I feel – wreck it.

Nothin. Didn’t think so. Why do they even create these passages. Losers.

Where does this go? Big slide.

That’s right. You’re dead. And I’m the one that deaded you.

What are you pointing at, man? He doesn’t say anything. Talk! I don’t think I have the same gesture. Let’s see… It’s like I’m dabbing.

Gravekeeper cloak. Cool.

Oh I lived because I think I forgot to… OK so why can’t I see this one on my map. It’s frenzied flame description. OK. Good to know.

Fuck off you fuck.

There’s 2 of these fuckers.

Ah fuck. I just killed the one, but then he poisoned me. That seems unfair.

Get out of here.

You know what?

Oh I knew it. Fuckin poisoned again. Fuck off.

Good one’s dead at least.

Get out of there, fuck.

Oh, I’m fuckin dead. How do I protect against poison for heaven sakes.

Maybe I can avoid calling my guys for now. What do I have in my equipment.

Woo! I killed the gargoyles. Oiles of garg.