The Bees

The bees which are apparently hiving under my deck and doing exceptionally well. Once might go so far as to say they are thriving.

This despite my having emptied two industrial strength cans of the most toxic poisons known to humanity all over their little heads. Certainly the Bees suffered great losses in the chemical weapons attack with small striped corpses littering the deck but troops continue to flow in reinforcing the losses and continuing about the work of building a home near my back door.

I have thought about employing flame weaponry but the sly little bastards protected against this by building under a wooden platform which I am loathe to burn up in the attack – we are not at the point of falling prey to mutual assured destruction.

Back to the chemical weapons. Two different kinds were deployed, both with substantial range and accurate targeted, one of which actually foamed and expanded on contact.

Do you know how difficult it is to find Bee poison? Nearly impossible since the little dudes became somewhat endangered in the past few years. I mean the stores have poison for wasps, hornets, flies, mosquitos, generic “flying insects”, spiders, and more but can I find anything specifically labelled “Bees”? Nope. It has me wondering if bees are so different from hornets and wasps that they are immune to the poisons that kill them. I suspect in reality that bees are simply not politically correct to massacre these days.

Don’t get me wrong – I like bees. I just don’t like them under my deck by my back door. I will kill pretty much anything that decides to move under my deck by my back door if necessary. Sadly I cannot communicate with them and the written eviction notice was rudely ignored leaving no other alternative but chemical warfare (the Geneva Convention excludes bees from those populations it applies to).

One has to respect the noble bee’s resilience really. One also has to wonder about the fortifications being built under my deck which have somehow sheltered their Queen from all of my efforts.

Frankly I am at a point where I might consider an armistice. A cessation of hostilities for the sake of the environment and a reflection of my depleted defense budget.

We will see how negotiations go.

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