i wish to un-know some things
that i might become the un-known
or maybe the un-knower
let me become empty as the dead sea
or maybe let me be the one who empties

i want to be the place
where the echo grows loud

shout into me and see what comes back to you

you’re a damned lack of intent is what you are,
just a great storm of words and wind
with no promise of rain to your stupid parched life.

look that’s no way to talk to me mister!
i see where i need to go…i just need the right equipment
to get to the cold and stony mountain top and then you’ll here me shout

you my friend are a fuck…you’re a promise without an end
and i ain’t gonna wait round no more for your gift to open,
just stop your damned talking and get off your ass!

yeah, yeah, yeah i know, i know,
but you ain’t otta talk to me like that
i’ve had it hard but i got the map and i know where i gotta get to

then gas that car and get the hell outta this place
cuz i’ll know you mean what you say when all i see
is your ass against the setting sun racing away from here.

sure man…i just gotta get the gas and then i’m gone…

idiot.

once i was small and naked in your arms,
just an absence growing into a presence;

once i could hide in the impossible small places
for you to hunt me down in fits of laughter;

once i sat before the meals you made
and raged at liver and onions while you held fast;

once i ran away from you but always came back
because you were a safe and certain destination;

now you are on the thieving wind
and i am rooted to the cold, jealous earth
with nowhere to hide and no place to run

and so i scream into the darkness
because its your voice that echoes back
cool and soothing until i sleep

every word is a flake fallen to the ground,
chipped away from my hard flint self
and left alone in small, neat piles
to glint in the eyes of passersby
as evidence of some ancient man,
some life that once laboured
to leave a little of himself behind,
fashioning a starving, empty absence.

such an odd exercise of self-mutilation
where the parts pulled away form the art
and the meaning is in what we shed of ourselves
and the goal is to leave nothing but the trash
and the goal is to become

nothing

I think there is a certain irreverence that comes with confidence. To put it another way I think there is a certain defensiveness that comes with insecurity.

I am thinking primarily in the realm of human belief but I am sure it transfers to other areas as well.

Now when I say confidence I am not speaking of an absolute belief or unswerving certainty in something outside of one’s self but rather of that confidence that sits within a person.

Take God for instance – i am not exceptionally confident that I am “right” when it comes to faith so much as I am confident that I am ok where I am (if that makes sense). I am fine with the state of my belief and the rickety plywood and duct tape structure that holds it all together. In some ways this is being confident in my lack of confidence and as contradictory as this sounds there is a certain connection between this and kenosis I think.

There are a variety of reasons that I am ok with all of this and a lot of it has to do with how I understand the character of God, and of course I recognize the circular nature of this logic but thanks to the nature of my logic I am ok with this too. Others find this frustrating but I am ok with this as well.

I suppose confidence that is within is more powerful than confidence that comes from without…at least this is my experience. This is by no stretch of the imagination an easy place to get to…I am 48 years old and most of my life has been one built upon the quicksand of insecurity and the terrible defensiveness that goes with that.

It has taken deliberate and intentional, constant and ongoing work to get myself even a modicum of confidence but frankly it is worth it.

Others, for varying reasons, have greater reserves of confidence from the early days of their life for all kinds of reasons that are biological and sociological in nature. The inverse is also true.

As to the irreverence…there is a willingness to lampoon and satirize one’s faith and to allow attack from others when one feels this way. Take Stephen Colbert as an example. Arguably one of the finest political satirists of the age and one who regularly takes pot shots at faith and belief like Christianity (especially Christianity). This same Colbert who is a devout and exceptionally knowledgeable Catholic.

It is not a weak faith or a doubtful mind that is willing to listen and sometimes laugh at the things other’s say about their beliefs…it is not a weak and insecure mind that chooses not to leap to God’s defense every time they perceive an attack in the public space but rather one who believes that such things make absolutely no difference in the realm that matters.

Rule of Leadership: A Lesson of Grace

A rule to follow which i believe leads to becoming a better leader has to do with grace. That is to say:

“That grace which has been extended to you extend to others…”

By others we mean those within the influence of your leadership.

This is not a difficult rule to follow but humans have a profound talent to take the incredibly easy and make it incredibly difficult.

We like to find good sounding reasons to not do the things that we need to do in favour of those things we want to do or things we claim “just make sense”.

You may ask a person in leadership (who is not necessarily a leader) what moral and ethical obligations their business, corporation or organization has to others and they might simply chuckle and say –

“businesses have no moral or ethical responsibility to others because they are not human. They are impersonal systems built upon a system of give and take, a system of exchange in which employees give of their time and talents in exchange for money and the business exchanges the work of their employees for more money…ethics and morality simply get in the way.”

Of course those who would say such a thing are wrong and short-sighted but they often do not see nor understand why this would be the case.

Businesses, organizations, corporations, etc. are all human extensions. All of these things are reflections of those who are part of them. Primarily they are reflections of those who exercise leadership. Leaders cannot hide immoral unethical decisions behind a facade of inhuman brick and mortor…every organization is a human organization and thus bound by human morality and values.

You cannot always look at an org chart to determine who is a leader in any organization. Leaders are people using and exercising influence over others toward a particular end or goal. Just because a person is a CEO or member of the board of directors does not mean they are leaders. In fact many times those people in the highest positions of leadership are often being led and influenced by others…the real leaders in the organization.

But back to what grace has to do with this we first need a decent definition.

Grace – the unencumbered giving to another of that which is necessary for them to thrive.

Leaders give. This is the nature of good leadership. Bullies take. This is the nature of bad leadership.

The offering of grace to others sets them up to become leaders themselves one day should they be called upon or seek it out. This is what we mean by “that grace which has been extended to you, extend to others”. A good leader has experience with grace – a good leader must have received grace in their lives or else they have no idea how to extend grace to others.

The key to all of this of course is not simply receiving grace but recognizing it for what it is when you receive it. Grace is a little like Schroedinger’s cat in the sense that being observed changes it – it needs to be seen and recognized to be of value.

Grace received by a person who believes it is, in fact, something they deserve (and even earned), loses its grace and becomes a mere commodity, ineffective to use in leading and transforming others.

This brings us to the most difficult task of leadership and where grace plays its most significant role – in the firing of an employee.

There is nothing more difficult than firing someone. Anyone who claims to be a leader and does not agree with this is not really a leader but simply a person put in charge over others – the distinction is huge.

There are all kinds of metrics for removing a person from their position – they are not outputting to the measure they were hired for; lack of ability; they have significant personality conflicts with one or many others in the organization; failure of the organization to generate enough revenue to maintain staffing numbers; criminal activity etc. a lack of understanding grace can conflate and contribute significantly to all of these things.

Without grace people will be removed before their time robbing an organization of the chance to thrive as its employees learn to thrive. Instead a revolving door mentality builds and with it a distinct and bleak lack of hope that has people keeping one eye on their work and the other on the next opportunity.

Such an organization is doomed to mediocrity and caught behind the eight ball of always having to spend enormous resources in training the people who come in to replace those who leave only to see those leave and so on.

Ultimately the key to grace is learning and believing that giving is of greater value than receiving. If this principle is demonstrated by leaders than they give their organization a greater chance of success through the long-term development of invested employees and clients.

the great irony
is that it is the mindless
that will last in the end;
the mountain and tree,
the great and vast sea;
and when the mindless are gone
still the empty black remains
in the end

rumour of an impending doom
has caused us to shift uncomfortably
from one side of the couch to the other
so that we can see the enemy out the window
should they appear at the door
unannounced
we might just have the time
to stagger forth to our feet
and throw ourselves down the stairs

it’s the least we can do…

i want the crescent moon
a silver sickle in my hand
to tear the black skies open
that the stars might bleed to earth
and light the dark paths forever