“I was tryin’ to find my way home
But all I heard was a drone
Bouncing off a satellite
Crushin’ the last lone American night

This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?

I was spinnin’ ’round a dead dial
Just another lost number in a file
Dancin’ down a dark hole
Just searchin’ for a world with some soul

This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
Is there anybody alive out there?”

– Bruce Springsteen, Radio Nowhere

Lately when I pray I am listening to myself and the things I pray for and I feel inadequate to the task.

My prayers are simplistic and selfish like me…I pray for my circumstance, my life, my self…I pray for those close to me and for those far and as I pray my thoughts begin to stray to those in other places who also cry out.

I think, as I pray against depression and stress, about the mother praying for her starving child and I think about how her prayer will not be answered according to her will. I think about the 21 Coptic Orthodox Christians who no doubt prayed while having their heads hacked off in Libya. I think about the many Muslim men and women who pray as their homes are destroyed and their lives shattered. I think about the Palestinian family praying as their homes are being destroyed and I think about the Israeli families praying while they hide in bomb shelters as the sirens warn of another incoming rocket. I think about the many, many people around the world who do not pray at all and continue on in the same manner as those who do.

I wonder at the point of it.

I wonder why I bother…why do I pray? I pray because I am needy, insecure, filled with doubt, hypocritical, and angry. I pray because I am weak and broken and incredibly, terribly afraid. I pray because I have been told to by a God who has never spoken to me and I know despite the terrible ridiculousness of it all I will keep praying to fill the silence and be content with even an echo in the dark. It makes me sick but I will keep doing it because I cannot imagine continuing without there being someone at least listening if nothing else.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” – 1 Thessalonians 6:16-18

This is impossible. I cannot pray without ceasing. I cannot give thanks in all circumstances. I appreciate this as God’s will…I struggle with it not being mine…although I wish it was.

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