Yup…I am moody. Not on the outside really…just on the inside. I tend to keep things inside because I really don’t like bothering people with these things.
Things are really good btw. In fact I can honestly say that i think things are better than they have every been (and that is saying something). This is why being moody as i have been is kind of pissing me off…there just isn’t a good reason for it and frankly i like my moods to have reasons.
Of course like any good set of emotions these moods don’t give a flying phuk about having reasons…they just pop out of some anomalous singularity in my head and take over. They are like ants roaming around in my head, primarily invisible and then in a moment erupting through the surface.
I prefer to be non-emotional. I like to use my emotions as the black or red ink to fill the well i dip my pen into for writing. I prefer my emotions to be in a constant state of departure and not like formerly welcome guests who have hung around just a little too long.
Stupid things are setting me off.
I need some perspective. I need to reflect on the past and hope for the future so that my present can shine a little more and maybe distract me from myself. It’s true – I am even annoying myself. How I manage to put up with me is really a miracle. I can be a bit of an arrogant, needy, know-it-all jerk sometimes.
Oh i know i’m a nice guy overall. Don’t get me wrong…I don’t hate myself (or really even mildly dislike myself – add egotistical to the previous list) – I can just get on my nerves sometimes.
I am not fond of moody me…people deserve better.
i suppose it’s fine to let it out…i mean you cannot constantly be upbeat…that would be a lie.
maybe i need to just point the ship into the waves and move through to the calmer seas. they’re out there…i know this.