once i was 5 and quiet
in a shell-shocked, mop-topped kind of way
stalking loneliness like shadows in long grass
too young to know the ache inside

once i was 10 and lost
running with friends in the concrete
seeking the way to heaven in the quiet back
of the grand castle of God

once i was 20 and red-hot
a fire walking with a burning embrace for the slow
fevered in the world with words to infect
like a plague carrier

once i was 40 and younger than before
finding myself a vehicle carrying a lost boy
still crawling through the sewers in my mind
unsure where i would come out; when i would come out

now i am 46 and i am whatever i want
sad or happy, heaven or hell – it’s a switch at my command
an analog, binary best friend that has never left me
humming the song that i want to hear…when i switch to want