i thought i would write something
a poem of great impact and beauty
but instead the words came like a shopping list
everything I wanted but could not have
two boxes of beauty on sale for the price of one
maybe a case of courage to get drunk on
nothing of any significance though
then when i wheel it all to the checkout
the cashier lady looks at me as if to say
“what the hell man, this stuff will kill you?”
but instead she just says “is that all?”
and i think ‘oh if you only knew’
which came out like “yeah…i guess”
then i packed my crap into stanzas
walked out and wondered where it went
and when it will come again.
Harnessing Chaos 
On ‘this stuff will kill you’: Another response is ‘Satan has desired to sift you as wheat but I have prayed for you that your faith fail not.’ If the crap is coming up from deep within you and you put it into stanzas, the appropriate response is for others to look within themselves for further revelation. I thought of Joseph and his interpretation of the troubling dreams of Pharoah. His interpretation resulted in the salvation of Israel but Joseph was rejected by the sons of Israel: ‘when you have repented [thought and re-thought] and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers’ and, later, ‘go and feed my lambs.’
Hang in there, Peter, he knows the plans he has for you to give you a future and a hope … keep that crap coming :0)
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A little more on ‘this stuff will kill you’: I thought of an essay from a Kierkegaard Anthology that I have called “The Comfortable — and the Concern for the Eternal Blessedness” (I was able to view the essay in google books). Kierkegaard makes this observation “The eternal is acquired in one way … in the difficult way which Christ indicated by the words: ‘Narrow is the gate and straitened the way that leadeth to life, and few are they that find it.’ [snip] The comfortable — precisely the thing in which our age excels — absolutely cannot be applied with respect to an eternal blessedness … the eternal is acquired only in the difficult way …”.
He compares the provision of salvation by the State of Denmark to thier provision of conveniences like utilities (water, illumination), roads, bridge-building: “there is also — an eternal blessedness in the hereafter, a requirement which the State ought also to satisfy (how generous of it!), and that in as cheap and comfortable a way as possible.”
A person gets his water from the state much more cheaply than if he were to try to get that water pumped to his house by himself, Kierkegaard reasons. But this cannot be applied to the matter of ‘an eternal blessedness.’
Anyway, I thought about how you are giving up everything that has been comfortable for you in order to gain a salvation which, at this point, you are not sure will be forthcoming. Yet, if we read the words of Jesus correctly, it is only in losing our lives that we can possibly gain them.
Also, ‘the comfortable’ will in no way be able to understand why you would want to die for your belief. They have their salvation (almost wrote: they have their reward) as a provision from the clergy conveniently packaged. But you are looking deep within at ‘crap’ that is lethal if taken internally. Yet, there is the promise of salvation …
… all for now ‘he that trusts in me will not be disappointed.’
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