I learned something new about love today. I should say perhaps that I was reminded powerfully of the nature of love because I am sure I have been told over and over this thing that I have learned but today it stuck in a way it has not before.

As with all of my writing I will choose the round-about way of getting to the point rather than simply coming right out and saying it.

Physics defines light as both a particle and a wave. To describe it as one or the other is to diminish its nature. To define it as one over the other is to do it an injustice. One can only capture the essence of what light is by speaking of it as both particle and wave and in so doing one not only does it justice but creates a mystery out of it as well. The irony is that by defining it fully one becomes aware that it is somewhat undefineable. This is not only the nature of light but also the nature of God in His triune form and also of love.

This week has been tough. I have been trying to balance work with the kids and as most people with children know this can be a challenge. They are awesome and I am quite happy with my work but the two do not often see eye to eye. Over the past few days my daughter has been particularly trying, constantly annoying her brothers, jumping all over my back, throwing things around her room, she’s been a walking tornado of tumult. Yelling and punishing clearly were not the answer because they did nothing to alleviate the behaviour. Finally I turned away from the keyboard and said in a last ditch and exasperated effort – “would you like to go for a walk?”

I fully expected this latest effort to fail. I expected another fit of despair and rage. Instead, as soon as the words were out her face lit up, she smiled and proceeded immediately to prepare. Plans were being made and revised as gloves and coat were put on. “Is it all right if I ride my bike slow and you walk daddy?” “Yes.” “Can we go through the park along the way?” “Yes.” Suddenly everything was good. Everything was fine. Suddenly she was happy. Why?

What had I done? I pondered this. Why the change? A walk? What is the big deal? Then it occured to me…the act of going for a simple walk with her had enfleshed my love. All that I had always said to her became real and invaded her life. Somehow the words were never enough. Somehow the certain knowledge that I loved her was not enough. Something about the intentional act made my love real or complete to her and when that happened she became happy.

Love is a feeling. Love is an act. Love is both and to define it as one or the other is to do it a dis-service. Love as a feeling is incomplete and unintentional like a church that does not serve but is content to bask in the knowledge of its own salvation. Love as an act without feeling is a lie and ultimately offers no healing like the social gospel without the gospel. Love is both feeling and act with neither taking precedence over the other. This is the mystery in that one cannot say love is first feeling than action or love is first action than feeling…somehow it is both/and.

My daughter knows I love her in the same way we know that sunlight is warm. She felt that love when it acted intentionally in her life in the same way we are warmed by sunlight when it lands upon our skin. It is not enough to know in the middle of February when it is cloudy and minus 30 degrees outside that somewhere there is warm light…we need to feel it to be satisfied. Love is like this.

Words are the bridge between feeling and action. Words are intentional. Words are an act unto themselves. Words communicate the inner feeling and make that feeling real in the life of the other. The Word is the bridge between the heart and the life of the one whom the heart yearns for. The Gospel of John best describes this:

“In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God….The Word became flesh and dwelt among us full of grace and truth; we have beheld his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father.”

1 John 4:19 says “We love because God first loved us.” How? By His Word he created all things. An utterance of His forever love. His Word was given flesh and walked among us so that we might experience the very nature of His love. He loved that we would love. He loved in feeling and action together – the Word becoming flesh.

There is no order or priority to love…it is not feel first and act later or act first and love later in the same way that light is not first wave than particle or particle than wave…it is both…anything else is simply a shadow and undeserving of the term.

My daughter taught me this today.