Month: May 2009

Eminem and the Nature of Ugly

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I have to admit I am a fan of Eminem but not for the reasons you might expect. I am looking forward to hearing his latest album Relapse but once again not for the reasons you might expect. Most of the folks who go out to buy the album when it comes out tomorrow will blindly appreciate everything about it and possibly even decide to participate in the very activities it is attempting to disdain. This is a sad lack of discernment but then many in our culture lack discernment.
 
Discernment BTW is not the ability to avoid evil but rather the ability to comprehend the whole and differentiate between the good and the evil and even distinguish when the two are hopelessly intertwined (as I suspect Relapse will be).
 
I struggle with the ugly. I ask myself if I should even bother listening to Relapse. I’ve read the reviews and I know that it is really not a pop album at all but an artist’s kathartic biographical work. Eminem continues to try to exercise the demons that control him by being open and honest about what he’s struggling with and what he has been through. Sadly it is clear that he is filled with a brutal hate and part of the point of this album is being honest with that too.
 
Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
 
While the verse does not preclude dwelling upon the ugly it makes it clear that there is a place where we should park our brains and it is that which is praiseworthy.
 
So the question then is – can there be value in the ugly? Is there value in dwelling upon pain? The danger of staying in a place like that is that you would slowly come to enjoy the dark and the ugly for their own sake. The value come from learning to engage the ugly. Learning to participate vicariously in the toher’s pain and suffering so that one can empathize and identify with a deep need that only God can fulfill.
 
I will listen to Eminem primarily to engage with his pain and try to understand something of the nature of the ugly. I will also recognize that despite his themes and language Eminem is an incredibly talented poet and lyricist and while I cannot agree with everything he says I cannot deny the ability.
 
Will I let my seven year old daughter listen to it. Of course not. Why? She lacks the talent to discern. She does not know how to interpret art created to exploit and and art created as an outlet for pain. She does not know how to empathize with that pain and pray for the artist’s relief. One day she will but not yet. If she models herself on Christ then she will develop His ability to look into the worst of pain and empathize and engage it directly. She will recognize that one of God’s most powerful acts was to actively look directly at the ugliness of broken creation and determine to enter into it, be impacted by it and transform it. She will be able to look into the heart of darkness and see the potential for life and not be drawn into its blackness because she is anchored in a good and gracious God. I hope all of my children will be able to do this.
 
I will listen to Eminem’s new album but there are some that shouldn’t. This is neither arrogance nor is it elitism – it is simply the truth. The trick then is asking yourself if you are discerning enough to engage the material or if you should, for now, avoid it.

Young/Old

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Ohhhh man…floor hockey tonight was especially brutal on me. Every joint on my left side is killing me. I wondered if I would have hurt this much 10 or 20 years ago…I decided I wouldn’t but I also realized I wouldn’t have been playing 10 or 20 years ago because I wasn’t as relational. It is amazing how much a person can change over the course of 20 years. How much one can learn and how much one can stay the same.
 
You know despite the fact that I have been alive for 41 years, have more experience and knowledge, I don’t feel much different in my inner self then when I was 12. My thought’s voice is the same. My fascinations are the same. I ask myself the same basic existential questions like:
 
– when will I die?
– what will it be like?
– what will eternity be like?
 
I also noticed that I like pretty much the same things now that I did when I was 12 but I am limited by the reality that 41 year old men generally don’t climb trees or go on adventures in the storm sewers beneath the town. They also don’t spend all their money on candy and comics. No, there is an societal expectation of the 41 year old man; that he will be a certain way and dress a certain way and speak a certain way. This is sad on many levels…to lose one’s childlikeness is a death of sorts and I resist it as strongly as I can. I think there is something valuable and living about it that I must hang on to. I don’t really feel age. I mean I feel it in my joints, I see it in my face, but I don’t feel it – my thoughts are as young as ever…I hope they stay that way.

The Confiteor & The Act of Contrition

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I am doing some research on the practice of confession for an upcoming sermon and stumbled across some prayers of my childhood.
 
There are two prayers from my Catholic childhood that continue to echo in my mind to this very day. I remember many of the prayers like the Our Father, the Glory Be, the Hail Mary, etc. but those only come to me upon willful recall. The Act of Contrition and The Confiteor however, come often and of their own free will. When they come they are usually jumbled together because in many ways they are cut from the same cloth. Both prayers are prayers of confession – one is personal and the other corporate.
 
          The Confiteor
 
I confess to almighty God,

and to you, my brothers and sisters,

that I have sinned through my own fault,

in my thoughts and in my words,

in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do;

and I ask blessed Mary, ever virgin,

all the angels and saints,

and you, my brothers and sisters,

to pray for me to the Lord our God.

 

          The Act of Contrition

O my God, I am heartily sorry

for having offended Thee

and I detest all my sins

above every other evil

because they displease Thee, my God,

Who, in Thy infinite wisdom,

art so deserving of all my love

and I firmly resolve

with the help of Thy grace

never more to offend Thee

and to amend my life.

Amen.

The Confiteor is a corporate prayer which opens every mass and is started by the priest while the entire congregation joins him in finishing it. The Act of Contrition is the prayer said after having participated in confession (the sacrament of reconciliation/penance).

For no reason that I am aware I often find the words of these prayers bouncing around in my mind in the midst of daily thoughts some 27 years after my last regular attendance of mass and confession. The words are in some way comforting because they offer a kind of formal apology to God and the community for harms I have done them. They are also something of a period at the end of confession and yet they continue to come back. It is as though, of all the prayers I have learned, these two are the strongest reminders of our endless need of God’s grace.

We seek forgiveness, repent and are forgiven by a gracious God. The stubborn return of these prayers to my mind is a constant reminder of my need to live in His grace because my state is one of constant brokenness. A state of healed, being healed and will be healed. A state of forgiven, being forgiven and will be forgiven. The struggle is always to allow the awareness of my sin to drive me to the joy of His grace and not to hopelessness.

Har!

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If you can’t see the comic below (because Facebook can’t import RSS worth nothin’) then you need to visit my blog – http://poet.spaces.live.com

Spring

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There is green
in the thoughts of the ones
I love
and sunlight pours
like water from their hearts
blue sky eyes
and breath like Zephyr’s breeze
plays light upon their lips
bent towards Son and sun
in sanctifying smile
 
and everything
                      is moving
                      is singing
                      is reaching
in this time of thunder
 
while the deafening chorus
that is new life
bursts from bird and the broken
alike
 
see the winter-withered hearts
thought dead and done
crack life again
pushed new from under frosty flesh
join every Crocus, Iris, Tulip
 
this is the unshadowed time
 
this is the time of battles won
this time of new things done
this is life in bloom begun
this is death now dead, undone
 
what is this thing
turns frozen voice to sing
moves my soul an offering to bring
why none other then great God’s gift of
 
Spring,
          Spring,
                    Spring
 

Seven Samurai

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Ok – episide 12 of Samurai7 (the anime) was absolutely fantastic with some incredible dialogue. At this point I am convinced I have to watch the classic 1954 Japanese film Seven Samurai by acclaimed director Akira Kurosawa. It is considered one of the greatest movies ever made and is consistently in directors’ top 10 lists. If you have seen it let me know.
 

Star Trek: A Brave New World

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I saw Star Trek tonight and it was pretty amazing. I will have to watch Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn again because this new one might be the best Star Trek movie yet. It really is a remarkable film that in many ways captures the essence of the characters that Gene Roddenberry created in the original series. The casting was spot on, especially for Spock and McCoy.
 
The story itself is relatively simple and involves revenge and time travel (two good Star Trek themes). It is wonderfully set at the time of the maiden voyage of the USS Enterprsie when her crew was just out of Starfleet Academy. I think one of the reasons this movie works so well on so many levels is that while it stays true to the core of Star Trek it takes significant risks to update the show for our current generation and in this way this new Star Trek is very much like intrepid Enterprise Captain James Tiberius Kirk in character – the ultimate risk taker.
 
Speaking of the Enterprise, the movie does an amazing job showcasing the beauty of the original series design. Some nice close ups of the NCC 1701 really do move an old trekkie’s heart. For you hardcore trekkies out there there is a brilliant scene that involves an unknown character in a red outfit – I know you know what happens to this character if you are a true die-hard. Other nice touches were found in the musical score. They did a nice job incorporating similar sounds and themes from the original series music without simply ripping it off. In the fight scenes the music is definitely reminiscent of the standard fight music from the old series.
 
There is much to love about this new Star Trek especially the fact that it will single handedly revive the dying franchise. There is no doubt that more movies will come and I look forward to them – as well as to seeing this movie endlessly and introducing Star Trek to my kids and watching them get acquainted to the greatest characters across the Star Trek universe – Captain Kirk, Spock, Dr. McCoy and the rest of the crew – especially the old NCC 1701 – the USS Enterprise.
 
Fantastic movie.

Feelings

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How does one talk about the untrustworthiness of feelings without making feelings seem evil? A challenging task. Feelings of love, anger, happiness, sadness, and all their variations, are good gifts from God. But – like every good gift from God they have been corrupted, broken and are often abused and stretched well past the point of recognition.
 
A classic example of the untrustworthiness of feelings is as follows –
 
Person says "I do not feel God here in this place therefore because I do not feel God here God must not be here." The reality of course is that the presence of God often goes as unnoticed as a still small voice on the wind. Sometimes (quite often I think) God’s presence needs to be discerned by the silent searching heart. The heart and mind need to be quieted and the spirit trained to sense the presence of God wherever we are. Nevertheless we have trained ourselves to trust our feelings in these and other things.
 
Some of us have been trained to only sense the presence of God in the grand gothic cathedrals of our hometowns (I think of the Church of Our Lady in Guelph where I grew up). Our feelings in these circumstances are not sensing God so much as being manipulated by the very things that are designed to emulate God’s greatness and presence – the sweeping buttresses and enormous pillars, the ceilings rise to unimaginable heights, the brilliant flood of colour from the dozens of complex and artistically rendered stained glass windows, the candles burning, the echoe of footfalls on stone floors etc. It is one thing to use the environment as a tool of reflection bringing us to a place to sense God, pointing us to Him in fact – it is a whole other thing to allow the environment to manipulate our feelings into a place where we say to ourselves "God is only present in a place such as this" for this is a lie.
 
Styles of worship often work this way too. Some only feel God’s presence amidst to whoop and holloring joy of a charismatic service. Hands are raised, voices lifted in joyous cacophony, people are slain in the Spirit and the music is loud and you FEEL the power and presence of God. Yet – we often allow our feelings to be manipulated again to the point where we only feel God’s presence in such circumstances. That in fact, when we visit our friend’s stoic Dutch reformed church with the quiet reverence and the stark decor we silently feel sad for these people because God is not present here and if He is He must be disappointed by such stodgy reservedness. Alas, once again our feelings betray us and limit us.
 
What we feel (or do not feel for that matter) is an exceptionally poor judge of what really is. If I feel unloved does this mean I am unloved? No. If I feel that I am hated does this mean that I am hated? No? If I feel alone does this mean I am alone? No and no again.
 
Don’t get me wrong, feelings can be useful guages to quickly measure up a situation and can offer us guidance but they are rarely completely accurate measures of reality. Take for example the following situation. Two carpenters are standing at a construction site preparing to build the frame for the walls which are to go up. One says "I feel as though the distance from this corner to that is about 30 feet". The other carpenter has a choice – they can agree and begin building a 30 foot wall or they can take their tape measure and measure the distance and learn that the distance is in fact 31 feet. Not a big deal you say. In terms of construction however the difference of one foot can be the difference between a house that stands and one that does not.
 
Our feelings are so often dependant upon things that have little to do with what they are feeling. Factors such as our surroundings, our biology, our upbringing, our relationships with others, how much sleep we’ve had and even what we ate for lunch contribute to what we feel and how much we feel it. Do we want to make life decisions and critical choices based upon something so fluid and untrustworthy? Of course not.
 
Feelings can be good indicators of a circumstance – like a triage unit that assesses the situation, but we would not if we had the choice, want all of our emergency health care needs handled solely by triage units but rather by fully equipped, well staffed hospitals. Feelings should point us in a particular direction worth investigating with less maleable tools like God’s Word, prayer, fellowship etc.
 
When we feel worthless we read in God’s word that we are in fact of infinite worth. When we feel alone we pray and know by the very act of prayer that we are not. When we feel discouraged or hated we enter into fellowship and know that others are there to encourage us and love us for who we are.
 
Let us take these thoughts with us wherever we go and learn to respond to our feelings more appropriately then we perhaps do at times. The next time I visit my friend’s Dutch reformed church and am tempted to believe that God left this place (if He was ever really there) because the people aren’t dancing may I challenge that feeling with the certain knowledge that "where two or more are gathered in my name so I will be present as well" and may I seek Him that much more as a result.

Yes

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I am not a cymbal
and I have no angelic tongue
I cannot prophesize to save my life
and understand no mystery
I have no knowledge
No mountain moves for me
nor grain of sand even
 
but…I am not nothing
 
have I patience?
and am I kind?
 
do I envy?
do I boast?
am I proud?
yes, yes and yes
 
am I rude
and self-seeking?
easily angered?
is my book filled
with the injustices of
my life
like a record of wrongdoing?
 
Do I protect and trust?
Do I hope and persevere?
 
of faith, hope and love
which is greatest?
I know – but do I feel?
 

The Wrestler – A Review

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I just finished watching Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler. Wow. This is about as realistic a movie as I’ve seen. There were times when it felt like I was invading this guy’s privacy. The story is about a man with a tragic flaw. All the best protagonists have a tragic flaw – Macbeth and Hamlet both sought vengeance. With Rourke’s character Randy "The Ram" it is only being able to feel valued when he’s getting the crap kicked out of him in the ring.
 
The Ram has no inner sense of value. His complete and utter lack of self-worth drives him to make absolutly terrible relational decisions. He feels completely alone and he knows the world only cares for him when he bleeds for them – otherwise he’s invisible to them. The Ram has become cynical and no longer cares whether he lives or dies. His story intersects with that of Marisa Tomei whose character is an older stripper nearing the end of her days. She is similar to Randy except that she has an outer source of value – a nine year old son to live for and sacrifice for. Tomei does easily as good a job as Rourke in the film but Rourke’s character pushes into excellence on a few occassions – especially when he is attempting to renew a relationship with his daughter played by Evan Rachel Wood.
 
The film is incredibly sad. It is the portrayal of a man whose life is empty and meaningless except when he’s doing that which will ultimately kill him. There is an early scene when Tomei’s character quotes Isaiah 53 "He was wounded for our transgressions, pierced for our iniquities…" She is reminded of the verse by Randy’s experience as an aging wrestler…she calls him a sacrificial Ram jokingly playing on his wrestling name. The film picks up this theme and runs with it till the end when it looks as though Randy will ultimately offer himself on the altar of public popularity.
 
I cannot recommend the film to those under 18. There is nudity and foul language although the director Daron Aronofsky ensures that whenever it occurs it is appropriate to the story and not gratuitous in any sense. The final credits roll to the fantastic new Bruce Springsteen song by the same name as the movie – The Wrestler…very poignant. It is easy to see why Rourke won best actor at the Golden Globes for this film. He really shines in an honest and pained portrayal of a washed up star…something he probably related to when the film was first made.