I am not sure why but I find her an incredibly interesting and somewhat contradictory character. At times she comes across as a bit head in the clouds, vapid sort and then, seemingly out of nowhere, she will erupt with a deeply insightful quote.

One such quote is the following spoken to her partner Rick played by Walton Goggins:

“Stop thinking about the love you didn’t get, think about the love you have.
I’m right here. I love you.”

This one got me right in the feels. I think perhaps because I share some of the traits of the Rick character (not proud of this) and the words are designed to cut through the dark fantasies that control and swirl about in his head.

Rick is so focused on the past and things he feels have hurt and destroyed him that he is absolutely blind to the beauty and brilliance of his present moment. This is his tragic flaw and it hurts everyone who gets close to him.

The destructive force of a mind trapped in a thought prison built out of fixating on what we don’t have, what we’d rather have, etc. is massive and yet we often find ourselves in such cells. In fact we don’t just find ourselves in them we stroll willingly into them, lock the door behind us and throw the key out through the door bars.

This kind of trap is what I would say is typified by the title of one of Charles Bukowski’s poetry collections – Love is a Dog From Hell. It is the perspective that love will destroy us and everyone we are close to. It is the opposite of Chelsea’s view. A memorable line from the collection is “if there is a junkyard in Hell, love is the dog that guards the gate.” In many ways this is Rick’s view. Rick is Bukowski and Chelsea is more of a Elizabeth Barrett Browning of “How do I love thee let me count the ways…” renown.

Am I a Rick/Bukowski or a Chelsea/Browning? It depends on the day. Actually it can depend on the hour, minute or second. Rick and Chelsea represent the polar opposites of a spectrum. Neither are the healthy place to land. Somewhere in the middle is best I think.

I want to be more of a Chelsea.