A lot of my time lately has been taken up in consideration of things like gender-based violence and today marks the beginning of 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence.

Part of my job is reviewing applications from people seeking rent guarantors (a service we provide). The VAST majority of applicants are women facing violence. The VAST majority of these women are Indigenous. The stories are each unique and all are heartbreaking. This year I have read almost 120 applications…a fragment of the real number of women facing violence at home.

This combined with an opportunity to share during the Genesis House radiothon on lived experience related to violence and shelter use has me stewing in a very pensive place.

As a child I was raised by a single mother on welfare. We moved from home to home depending on a need to escape or when the rent went up. I witnessed physical and emotional violence against my mother from birth until I was about 13.

What changed? Safe, affordable, stable housing. After years of waiting we were finally approved for a nice four bedroom duplex in provincial housing. I think knowing mum had a place she could call her own without worrying about being kicked out or rent issues meant she could “fortify” it. She could defend it. She didn’t need to rely on others as much. This meant finally breaking away from abusive relationships.

People ask women all of the time – why don’t you just leave?

It’s not that easy. Even in the face of abuse.

Where do they go? How do they support themselves? There is also enormous stigma and shame attached to being a single-mother. So they do what they can. They live feeling trapped in a circumstance they do not feel they can break out of in a world that judges them and offers little to no supports to not simply escape but to restart and learn to thrive.

I think about my mum alot these days. I miss her terribly when I think about what she went through and I am grateful for the sacrifice she made so that myself and my siblings could not just survive but thrive.

I vowed a long time ago I would not be the kind of man my mum was subjected to. I would be honest, and loving; I would seek to better myself as often as possible and I would try to create an environment where the ones I value could thrive and feel loved. I hope I have done this.

Nobody should spend their lives feeling trapped by circumstance. It causes you to wither up and die.

I am grateful I have the chance to do the work I do. It feels like it is making a small difference in a way that could’ve helped my mum. I am grateful to be in a loving relationship, something my mum struggled to find for herself. Life can be beautiful but sometimes it takes work, and it almost always takes community.