what is the sun
but a thing that comes and goes
first warmth than cold grows
and the breeze,
what is that
but the inconsistent wafting
that carries respite from the heat
only to bite with the bitter cold
but me…I am the earth
i am the rock upon which one stands
forever solid, never rising nor setting
neither warm nor icy cold
simply the foundation
upon which one builds;
braver than that named brave;
more powerful than the powerful
who shame themselves
in sad comparison.

It’s simple

To  know a thing’s value;

If you gave all you had for it,

The rest is second-best.

Playthings destined for dust

Incapable of rising to the top.

I greatly appreciate the work that my wife put into what has become one of the most gifts I’ve ever received.

This blue wool scarf is almost two meters long, 35 stitches per row for more than 11,000 stitches total.

Best of all… made by Megan.

Today is about darkness

Today is about light

Which will consume which

Who mourns shadow’s loss

When there is bright

Ready to break free

Rays slanting in

And spilling across the land

Taking over for a time

Until the black wells up

And pours forth again

And again and again.

They gave me drugs

To take away the sad

To make me feel

Not so bad

But what

What if

I need the sad

What if the sad

Is part of me

I hope not

I want to cut it out

To get rid of doubt

And be a better me

A me you can see

Through the fog i made

From your place above

Maybe a me that can fell love

Once more.

pick up that dropped lantern
and cast away these shadows
hold it before the darkened face
of the ones the felt as monsters
to see the ever-present beauty
once obscured in pressing night
now shining with dawn’s light
climb from the sucking bog
with all the effort you have
and begin the walk again –
now is the only time we have
everything else is myth
wrapped tight in a fog
blown away by time.

There is a powerful quote in the nearly perfect Clint Eastwood western movie Unforgiven… it goes like this:

“It’s a hell of a thing, killing a man. You take away all he’s got and all he’s ever gonna have,” 

As someone who was sexually abused as a child numerous times it can feel like that. Like this child was killed and robbed of what he had and everything he was ever gonna have.

I know that’s bleak. I mourn that lost child often but I am reminded I rose out of his ashes to become something new. Not what I would have been…perhaps someone stronger in some ways…although brittle at times like a sword that has been over-hardened in the forge. Prone to shattering.

There is no doubt I’m not who I would have been. I would have liked to meet that man. But given all that’s happened I’m damn proud of who I am. I just have to remind myself of that sometimes.

It’s easy for a man to hate

He just decides and it happens

Maybe you were just too slow

In the wrong place at the wrong time

Maybe he just covets your oxen

Whatever the case,

A good man can turn black fast,

He’ll fall right into that pit

And he won’t even know it

Like this is where he meant to be

Like this is what he’s meant to feel

But be warned…

It’s not so easy to climb back out

Hate’ll get under his skin

Like radiation poisoning

It’ll make him it’s bitch

And rise him straight into hell

Laughing all the way in.

This is a season of light
Strike a match
Set the candle ablaze
Night one
Do it again
Seven more times
Across sevenmore nights
It doesn’t seem enough
This dark is different
Different than before
Like the whole world
Is black with gangrene
And this fire is meant
To burn it all away
But we’ll need a miracle
There’s not enough oil
To consume it all.

Mmmm…I enjoyed helping with this.