Caught a fish

Pulled it to the shore

And watched it writhe

Hooked by pointed agony

“Just pull it out!”

That’s what i shout

Over and over and over

But it just laid there

It couldn’t understand

And it lacked the tools

Eventually it died

And I walked away

To fish another day

The piano plays raw

Stipe sings

“You I thought I knew you

You I thought you knew me”

And i am 18 years old again

Alone surrounded by friends

Far and away from home

Because it’s what I wanted

How could I have known

What i wanted?

This voice makes me yearn

For what I do not know

And i could shut it off

I learned how to do that

When I lived in the dark

But i don’t want to

I will swim in it

Until it goes away

Today is tired

Slow moving shadows

Sun stopped in the sky

Time moving backwards

Kind of tired

Lids lie heavy

Lead-like over my eyes

And i wonder

Have i ever slept at all?

But I’ve energy enough for this

Swiping poetry on the phone

Like a 21st century poet should

Just enough for one more line…

Maybe two

My column in this week’s Winkler Morden Voice and Altona Rhineland Voice newspapers.

she gave up a piece of her joy
in the cool of the morning
just a small slice sent to me
like peering through a keyhole
to see the surprise beyond;
a warm breath sent
lifting me aloft
into a welcoming sky
like a balloon
on an autumn morning

you sold your soul
first chance you got
never believed in it anyhow
so what was the harm
like selling garbage real estate
you unherited from a long lost uncle
take your pennies and run
who knew the echoes
of voices long past
would keep you awake at night
as they rattled about
in your empty tin can self
bouncing off the walls
like the cries of a person
standing in the middle
of their childhood home
barren of carpet, chair, couch
barren of everything that held you
and kept you warm
on the coldest evenings
you didn’t know the pictures on the walls
hid the holes and scars and cracks
that were always there
and now it’s all that’s left
stand in the middle of it
imagine an embrace
that was never really in this place
it just makes you numb
so you remain unmoving forever
because you forgot how to walk
because you forgot
you could simply leave
out the front door
and never look back

There she is

This cat

Asleep on the windowsill

Behind the glass

Behind my head

A creature of comfort

Lost in feline dreams

Of her mother, no doubt

That beautiful house witch

To whom she is familiar

A shorthaired shadow

With her initial on her forehead

A singular M

As if to say:

I am Megan’s, and she is mine;

There she is

This cat

Lost in exhaustion

After a night of anxious yowling

“Awake! Awake! Rise to keep me company!”

She is evening vigilance

She is companion

She is warmth on the lap

And urgent headbutter

Like small ram in disguise

She is there when we close our eyes

She is there the moment we arise

But mostly she is loved

There’s a metropolis of me

Yammering away

Inside my head

And they never shut up

Its a cosmopolitan crowd you see

That just keeps

Hammering away

“Go here, do this, think that”

It wears you down sometimes

Until you give in to the worst

In a sudden cloudburst

Of panic, anxiety, and poor rhymes;

But I’m still in there

That solitary calm, man

Whose words are as the rain

Soothing away the pain

Reminding me

That I must give myself grace

I brought myself here

And there is goodness in this place

For i have carved myself a space

From the granite that did encase

Now a shelter for the ones I love

Listen –

They quiet, they quiet

As though a lullaby has played

Leaving me glad in silence

That I and me and we have stayed.

When i see hate

I wonder at it’s roots

That tangled mess of history

Going back to a place of fear

Going back to a place of violence

I know of fists swung in the night

Against the face of the weak

I know of the poison of hate

I have felt that murderous rage

It has held me too close

Like a kraken pulling me down

Taking me under to drown

Making me want to drag others

Into the inescapable sea with me

How do you rise to the surface again

Only by shedding the past

Otherwise we will all become killers

In the end

“you know what your problem is?”

“i know, i know”

“you just never know when to shut up”

“I SAID I KNOW”

“and yet you still keep yammering on…
your like that fucking kid in highschool…”

“i know the one”

“the one who kept pushing every bully’s buttons;
they’d beat him up; he’d get up and run 10 meters away
and do it all over again, and get chased down and
beaten up – over and over and over like an idiot”

“i think he was trying to pull the world onto himself;
i think he was trying to crush himself to nothing”

“why the hell would anyone be stupid enough to do that?”

“maybe it’s like one of those weighted blankets…
the immobilizing hug of the heaviest things bring peace”

“is that what you want? you want to be crushed?”

“i don’t know…maybe.”

“man i just don’t get you…not even a little.”

“me neither.”