April 18, 2025 – meaningless

These words are safe

And so they are

Meaningless

Empty, vacuous puffs

That fly lightly away

Like a cat’s breath in winter

Drifting to the iron skies

Unnoticed and invisible

Simply signifying life

April 17, 2025 – fireflies

I feel it

The tide is rolling in

The dry and empty sands

Are vanishing beneath

And I

I will ride the waters out to sea

Watching the stars turn overhead

Witnesses to one like them

Who drifts in a constellation

A myriad of bright humanity

We are fireflies against the dark

Signaling existence to one another

Sacred

There is no sacred thing

There is no holy thing

There is only

This maddening impossibility

This display of improbability

That is life and love and matter

And so

Perhaps

These things are sacred

These things are holy

Somehow

Skull

There is a deer skull

White bone emerging

From the melting

Whiter snow

And it could be

That it never had flesh at all

If not for the bit of fur

Still attached

As if to say life persists

Past the inevitability

Of death

This relic of a wild thing

That walked

That grazed

That breathed

Mocks with evidence

Of a certain future

To which we are chained

This sculpture of existence

That lays frozen

To the still and quiet

To the icy arms of the earth

That strives to consume it

That it might become new again

Testimony to an endless cycle

Of which we are a part

April 16, 2025 – cliffs

i have to remind myself today
i am the one who leaps from cliffs
to the unknown waters below
and i am the one who climbs
to the highest points unharnessed;
i have delved the deep dark
below the busy city streets
and stood between fists

remember that you are fearless
even if sometimes foolish
and that you will fight for good
and for the ones you love
until the last breath leaves you

don’t forget who you are
in the winds of the wild world;
always be ready to jump.

Sun

I’m sitting in the sun

And this spot

Is uniquely hot

It’s April

But it feels like August

My clothes

They smell like ironed laundry

And my thoughts wander

Over familiar territory

Fixed on isolation

Like a polar bear

Trapped on a melting ice flow

Far out to sea

Waiting to be

Submersed

My Top 10 Favorite Video Games (so far)

I have been playing video games since I was about 12 years old. Since then I have amassed a large number of gaming experiences and some have definitely been better than others. Here are what I would consider my Top 10 favorite video games based on enjoyment and replayability.

10. Fallout 4 (2015): This game made Bethesda Softworks my favorite gaming studio of all time. I would say there is no better post-apocalyptic openworld RPG than Fallout 4. The design and music are wondrous. The story is compelling but takes a backseat to the vastness of this futureistic yet retro game world. The attention to detail, the combat mechanics, and more pull the whole experience together.

9. Doom (1993): One of the first 3D shooters (Wolfestein was earlier) that allowed you to play against other people via modem connection Doom was the source of many late night scream fests as I battled against my friend Mike. It had a great, pounding soundtrack that matched the violence and gore perfectly.

8. Fable (2004): The first of many games that Peter Molyneaux and Lion’s Head Studios would overpromise on Fable was still one of the most magical and creative role playing games where your decisions actively changed your character’s appearance and people’s reaction to you.

7. Resident Evil VII: Biohazard (2017): Few games have more thoroughly scared the shit of me than REVII. The setting and ambiance, the creatures and the storyline all contribute to a hell of a creepy, messed up gaming experience that was unforgettable.

6. Bioshock (2007): What can I say about this game? There was nothing like it when it game out and it remains unique in the pantheon of gaming experiences. This game established the importance of a good soundtrack and the story was fantastically compelling. Every moment of the game when you were not battling incredibly well-designed creatures like Big Daddy or Little Sister you would simply stand in awe of the underwater views and sets.

5. Halo: Combat Evolved (2001): People were skeptical when Microsoft entered the console space with Xbox but minds changed quickly when they first experienced Halo. I think this game was single-handedly responsible for that first console launch. The storyline, the music, the main character of Master Chief and the amazing multiplayer abilities made this game one of best games to ever be created.

4. Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly (2003): Another amazing entry in the horror genre out of Japan you play as a young Japanese schoolgirl hunting for her twin sister in a haunted village armed only with the Camera Obscura…a camera that captures the malaevolent spirits you encounter along the way. Some of the jump scares in this game still have not been beaten in my experience. The stylized animation and unwillingness to censor themselves led to an unreal, best in class horror game. This is one of the only games I wish would be remade.

3. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (2011): This franchise is probably one of the best RPGs I have ever played. Let me rephrase that – as a franchise no other RPG has come close. They rank slightly lower on the list as individual games for me but only slightly. The vastness and beauty of Skyrim led to many hours of simple, non-combat wandering to view things like sunsets. I definitely appreciated the real life combat mechanics of damage being taken when weapon hits enemy rather than the old school D&D dice role sort of thing that many RPGs started with.

2. Elden Ring (2022): By now you know my favorite video game genre is open-world RPG. Until Elden Ring I had barely played a Dark Souls game. Clearly I must be a glutton for punishment because few games have elicited my vile curses from my mouth than Elden Ring. The game is soooooo fucking hard. The bosses are ridiculous. Many times I would hit a wall and simply put down the controller and not touch the game for months. But it always lured me back. The beauty of this world is staggering. I loved the cliffside vistas overlooking the endless sea and simply standing there. The secrets and hidden places, weaponry, armour, levelling system and more make this one of the greatest video games every created. It has enormous replay value and this is also a factor.

1. The Witcher III: Wild Hunt (2015): Until I played this game I had no idea of the potential for RPG gaming. I have hundreds of hours poured into this 10 year old game (as of the time I am writing this) and I still return to it. The quality of the world created here by Projekt CD Red, the compelling story of Geralt, the many different potential endings all with heart wrending decisions to be made, the vastness of the world and the simple beauty and vibrant colours of the lands of the continent propel this game easily into first place for me. Riding Roach through the countryside or wandering the city streets (and sewers) of Novigrad provide endless enjoyment. This is also another game where you find yourself pausing on a mountainside as the sunset’s light slants across the hills and valleys in front of you. A master work of gaming development it is hard to imagine another game taking its place at number one but who knows, perhaps Witcher IV with Ciri as the lead will do so – I can hardly wait.

Honourable Mentions: These are the games that almost made the list but couldn’t quite break in: The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind (2002); The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (2006); Cyberpunk 2077 (2020); Quake (1996); Wolfenstein 3D (1992); SimCity 2000 (1993); Shenmue (1999); Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (2007); Oddworld: Munch’s Oddysee (2001); Hogwart’s Legacy (2022); Dead or Alive 3 (2001) SIDENOTE: This is the game where the higher you set your age the bouncier the boobs got…you could set your age to 99; Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice (2017).

April 15, 2025 – Itsy

It’s her birthday today

This once so small one

Now so grown up one

She has responsibilities now

But i know the truth

That she would still camp

In her small tent on the balcony

That she would run through water

On the local splash pad

She is still herself

And holds that part close

She is always Itsy in my heart

Scroll

Scroll scroll scroll

Scroll away time

Make it all pass

Until it ends

And eyes shut

the gaze

it is the ever-present
the never-ending
gaze
that wears one down
day in and day out
those eyes that bore
like sad drill bits
seeking to penetrate the core

it is a form of violence
to tear open another
and enter like a virus
like a pathetic plague
hoping to infect body
hoping to ingest soul

how exhausting it must be
to stand in the omni-present heat
of a merciless stare
like an ice sculpture
set in the desert sun
trying to stop itself from melting
and raining drops like tears
to the thirsty sand below
until nothing remains
as if it never was

and the eyes move on…