where do the godless go
when they want to worship
a world made in no one’s image
when their heart is empty
and they look in the mirror
and search for the imago dei
but only see imago mei?

where do the godless go
to sing in holy harmony
when one voice just won’t do?
do they split personalities?
do they crawl inside themselves
to pray and speak in tongues?

or do they lay naked laughing
beneath an improbable sun
and wonder at how the bits of them
came together to ponder
how they came together
to ponder
how they came together
endlessly again and again
for all eternity?

i fell in love with the word
and it became god to me
so i wrote alter after alter
and burned my heart into coals
on their polished white surfaces
again and again and again
as an eternal offering
that i might be given power
to change the world

but it turns out
words don’t do anything
in the hands of a usurper
who sought to steal their power
instead of channeling it
and me caught now
having learned this lesson late
without anymore hearts
and cold ashes littering my chest

And i love your bright white heart
More than the first day
You opened your chest,
Removed it,
And held it out to me;
An offering of self-sacrifice
Built on beautiful, vulnerable hope

“i carry your heart with with me,
(i carry it in my heart)”

I was afraid of this monster

That rose before me in the dark

Like a wave in the middle of the ocean

Like a wave in the middle of the night

Until I discovered the trick

Of simply believing it didn’t exist

Now I’m Novacaine

And i can’t feel pain

As it peels off my skin

One

Strip

At

A

Time

Although I fall from time to time

Because of the blood-slick floor

But i can’t hear it,

It’s taken my ears;

But i can’t see it,

it’s taken my eyes

Listen to me laugh,

For i cannot;

Look at me smile,

For I cannot.

We fall in love

With the image in the mirror

So take care to take care

Before you turn the light on

And look

Be the best of yourself

Or risk loving you

At your worst

I watched a great iceberg

Float quiet into the bay

Frozen beauty before my eyes

Let it last forever I hoped

But slowly it melted away

Beneath a hotter sun

Until nothing was left

As if it had never been

It was the saddest thing

My eyes had ever seen

.

.

.

Wherever I look these days I see significant struggles with mental health.

Now it could be personal bias. For instance after we bought a Honda Civic I started seeing Honda Civics all over the place. It could simply be that I am seeing what I have focused on consciously or subconsciously.

Nevertheless since I am looking I am seeing.

Certain factors no doubt contribute to the challenges we all face. We are increasingly told the world is falling apart politically and environmentally and that it’s our fault. Conflict in Europe and the Middle East continues to grow. Prices continue to increase and salaries are not keeping up. Autumn has arrived and with it increasing darkness and cold weather.

These are simply the universal factors which affect everyone to one degree or another. Add to these our own personal challenges and things really ramp up.

When I see people in pain I want to help. This is not always the best response because I want to help people I don’t even know that well. Helping people makes me feel better about myself. Certainly compassion and empathy plays a role but I need to be aware of my potential to use other people’s pain as a way to reduce my own because that can create serious problems for myself and the other.

But back to the point…when I look into the world both near (the people I know and are in my orbit) and far (the world in general) things appear darker than they have in the past. People’s struggles seem greater and there seems to be more people struggling than usual.

So how do I help? I legitimately want to help because it connects me to the world in a way. As a person who works from home and spends 98 percent of their time in my house away from others I need to connect more. To complicate matters I am something of an ambivert (sometimes extravert, sometimes introvert).

I have always believed the best thing a person can do is listen. I like to be listened to. I have seen therapists and psychiatrists and to be genuinely heard is therapeutic.

I think I need to get coffee/beer with more people. I need to get out more for my own sake. If getting out and genuinely connecting with others helps them too so much the better. Feel like coffee or a beer? Just ask.

Dark have been my dreams of late

Are hopeful words when heard aloud,

As they are uttered by one waking up

To a new world,  to a brighter world

Where one can grasp their demons

Round their skinny necks

And throw them back to hell;

Dark have been my dreams of late

But lighter are my days awake.