Most people think

The best place to hide

Is in the shadowy dark

But really it’s the worst

For monsters see best

In the deeper nights

In the hunting hours

Between sun’s rest

And dawn’s bright towers

That rise in the east

To witness what is left

The revolting stench

Of lonely desperation

Reeks like plague

From the flesh of the dying

Screaming

“Do not touch,

This one wears longing

Like a cloak of nettles”

And only flies keep the company

Of one who bears sadness like a badge

As they wait for the feast to come.

the mirror never showed reality
not when i would look to see
i saw mum in desparate darkness
i saw men in longing lust
and all their grabbing starkness
i saw child crouched in the corner
sheltering terrified of it all
weak and hiding in the shadows

but when i look closer now
i see the man i have become
the listener
the fighter
the sympathetic and strong
the one becoming lighter
who’s writing his own song

i am a gift that walks through fire
to protect the ones I love
rising up now from ashes of the past
standing still and firm at last
who looks back at that polished portal
toward the one i never thought i’d be
the one great heart who loves bright and fiercely
to the good fortune of those who also come to see
i can be their harbour
i can be their safety
but in the end and most importantly
i can stand in sunlit certainty
with confident simplicity
and just be me.

i am here
in this place
right now
i exist
to wander beneath the apple tree
and feel a green leaf
brush light against
my left cheek
sending shivers of delight
in the sun-dappled shade
amidst a cool breeze

i exist

how about that

this song drifted sweet into my life
as lilac on the breeze of a late spring day
a sweet and beautiful hazel-eyed gift
with languorous lyrics that started soft
like whispers sung secret in your ear
becoming harmony as it came near
blending with my own voice
weaving miracle and magic
pitch perfect across the passing days
paving gold the road ahead
and even dreaded disonance
brings depth to the notes that come
as shadow sharpens surrounding light
that always ends the longest night.

Do not despair

At this stone face

Nor worry if it bleeds

Do not be concerned

If cracks appear

It’s part of the process

Of moving forward

Of becoming

What is required

The anthropologist

Sheds his skin

And sits outside of himself

A chimp of a different order

To watch closely

And take careful notes

Be sure to remain apart

For the most impartial view

Eating, sleeping, fucking, dying

Must be concise

Must be comprehensive

For posterity

And when he’s done

Now comes the tricky bit

How to get back in

Screaming doesn’t matter

Yelling makes no difference

Praying into the void

With not even an echo

To return

Nothing makes a difference

Speaking, weeping, silence

Punching holes in walls

Close your eyes and fall

Or leave them open

The ground rushed up

Just the same.

I cut myself open

And pull out my hurt

Like the wings of an eagle

Spread out behind me

For the world to see

And watch me bleed

As I seek to take flight

On pinions of pain

And rise above it all

Depression swings a bat

To the back of your head

And runs to hide

Like the coward it is

And you turn around

And see her standing there

“What the fuck was that?”

And she’s puzzled in shock

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean!”

Back and forth until things get quiet

And then –

Depression swings a bat

To the back of your head

And runs to hide

Like the coward it is…