every pixel is a breath
in and out and in
every word is a heart beat
pumping life
without thought
a system that keeps me alive
between the lines

Sometimes i sail

The darker waters

Where the wind blows strong

And the heavens are hidden

Behind a hopeless black

Death in the deep fog

In those times

I’m thankful for my love

Who keeps the lighthouse

And wards me away from rocks

With a light that draws me

To safe harbour and home

In the military

We were trained to kill

OBEY OBEY OBEY

Don’t think just do

And it was so easy

To fall into the mindset

So frighteningly simple

Throwing grenades felt powerful

But not like the machine gun

Tearing up the old jeeps

As tracers showed you

Where to aim death

So much potential to kill

In one young man’s hands

9mm, 7.67, 357, 44,

And Howitzer artillery

Training from the skies.

How do I kill with bayonet?

Let us show you,  it’s ready

Hand to hand combat?

Sure…twist here and wait.

Let’s all do pushups

While they soaked you in tear gas.

Then the weekend would come –

Get paid,  get drunk,

Throw up, pass out, repeat.

But no one ever said

You’d never be able to forget.

Sometimes in the night

When fear overtakes reason

And my demon’s crowd round

To take turns living in my head

I may fall still and listen carefully

As small voice lifts soft, far and away,

Love’s lullaby calling comfort

Sending me compassionate to sleep

To dream of a brighter tomorrow

I know light

When I see it

Glowing soft

As she drifts near,

My love, my dream

Quiet now in thought.

She exists out of time,

My safe harbour,

This one I would protect

From every hunting hurt;

And I know in my marrow

Her love never quits me

For we breathe the same air

And I am grateful for it

Always.

If life seeks to abandon me

Promise to cut the cord early,

I would not want torture

Or fickle hopeless hope,

honeyed lies of healing to come

Or how I was never really sick,

Just hold on it will get better

With miracles and resurrection;

Set me adrift to oblivion,

The alternative is unbearable.

Some boxers win,

They win and win;

They win so much

They forget how to lose

So when the knockout comes

And they fall face first to the mat

They don’t know how to get back up;

Once they’re dragged from the ring

They never get back in again

Just sit and drink in the ruins

Crumbling walls of confidence

Torn down by self-pity

Just waiting for life

to throw the final punch.

The very young learn quick

That to pick up a rope

And pull against a larger foe

Is a futile act of desperation;

So, in one well-timed final move

They release their grip and let go

Sending the other flying away

To painful, bone breaking victory

Fallen backwards to the mud

But sparing the rope

From tearing in two

To remain standing in the face of loss

Mars called a man

In a song like voices over the sea

Calling sailors to ship’s edge,

But the journey was forever

Leave wife, leave children, leave family, leave home, leave job, leave wealth, leave car, leave faith, leave god, leave friends, leave community,  leave everything…

Stand before the world

Declare your dream

Climb into your ship

And fly away

Until they call you and ask:

“Was it worth it?

Would you do it all again?

This act of rebuilding a world?”

Yes and yes and yes and yes

Few men think of the endgame

To achieve their goal of the stars

And the blood burned as fuel

To leave gravity behind

And fall into the sky

In one desperate act,

In one beautiful act,

of courageous re-creation.

My sister looked at grandma once –

“I wish you were my mother”

And mum died on the spot

While the old woman laughed;

Rage and tears and hurt, hurt, hurt

Because children don’t know

The things they say

How they take your heart

And tear away

Small pieces of yourself

Out of innocence

And pointed truth.