As per the title I need to get out more.

Lately I have found myself in the house all day every day away from all forms of human contact save for work Zooms and phone calls.

As work has become more and more virtual over the past four years I have spent an increasing amount of time holed up in my home office with no one but the cats (higher beings to be sure) to keep me company.

Back in the old days of brick and mortor offices I would find reasons to escape all of the time because…well it was work. But now I’m at home and frankly. I like my home. I don’t want to escape it.

What has happened then is that I have emotionally begun to climb inside of myself whilst at the same time hiding inside of my house where I can be found hiding inside of my office (sometimes hiding under my desk). In some ways I have become something of an emotional and phsyical Russian nesting turtle .

There are so many walls that I have unintentioanlly thrown up over the years that even I, as king of my inner domain, struggle to get past the defenses to see the outside world and confirm there are others who exist and consequently acknowledege that I too exist.

“Wouldn’t m’Lord prefer to remain within the castle given the potential for threat and perhaps stormy weather?” says the guard when I consider leaving the grounds.

I have exceptionally dutiful guards that take their jobs very seriously.

Today I managed to escape their ever vigilent gaze and snuck/ventured forth into broad daylight to wander downtown to the post office and then decided to linger for a bit at the local cafe over a coffee whilst I read and responded to work emails.

Somehow I survived and perhaps even thrived for a bit.

I think it is important for me to do this more often. If not my poor wife ends up bearing the burden of confirming my existance every day when she gets home from work. As soon as the door opens she is greeted by two needy cats and a needy husband.

“howwasyourdaydidyouhaveagoodtimewhatwasnewtellmeaboutthelatestfromyourcoworkerswhatwould
youlikefordinnershouldwegoforawalklaterletsdecidewhatweshouldwatchontvtonightihavebeenwondering
abouttheexistenceoftwodimensionalspaceandifweexistintheeventhorizonofablackholedoyoulovemecaniget
ahugguesswhatcameinthemailtoday…”

Holy fuck man slow it down, she hasn’t even taken her shoes off yet.

There is a scene in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkhaban where a young witch maid at the Leaky Cauldron opens a door to see if a room needed cleaning and is greeted by a profound and lengthy roar from the occupant that blows back her hair for several seconds. She remarked calmly that she would “come back later”.

I imagine that sometimes opening the door to our home can be a little like that for people.

Of course part of the problem that enables this behaviour in me is the fact that I like people, as an idea and concept, but not so much up close and personal. I like to exist in their midst and to be seen and acknowleded existing but I have never quite gotten the knack of overcoming social awkwardness. I can speak publicly in front of dozens or even hundreds but one on one tends to be loads more of a struggle.

Don’t get me wrong…I can put on a mask that is so well practiced and designed that very few people realize that it is a mask as I appear to effortlessly socialize and enjoy folks while at the same time calculate how long until I can escape and hide somewhere. Sometimes I even fool myself.

Anyhow if today’s excursion taught me anything it is that I need to get out more in the same way I need to exercise, take my vitamins and eat healthy. It is important. I will strive to do better and work at it.