Gravity is an attractive force exerted by objects with mass on other objects with mass. Its force is proportionately stronger as the mass of the object increases.

But of course this is only a rule that applies to the unthinking object. Attempting to understand the conscious person in light of this rule can be confusing. Take for instance the individual vs. the couple vs. the family vs. the community.

Individuals have a certain gravitas, a kind of attraction that is based more on the mass of their personality than their bodies but for the most part whether one is attracted to another is largely dependent upon social factors and matters of culture and upbringing – and of course there is intent.

I find it interesting that some groups and communities expect the physical laws of gravitational attraction to work in their favour when it comes to relationships, and, depending upon your perspective one can wonder whether “favour” is the correct word to use.

In this instance favour usually means that the larger group or community relies upon their collective gravitas to attract individuals or smaller groups into itself…like a black hole consuming smaller bodies and stars its very existence is somehow expected to do the work for them.

This tactic largely works because in general the law does in fact apply across the board but not in ways we expect. I say in general because there are exceptions (increasingly so) to the law. Some people actively avoid larger groups and communities. Amazingly, unlike the world of physics, their desire to avoid the gravitas of the larger group requires no exertion of an equal and opposite force. In fact no matter how large and attractive the group may be the very lack of interest or suspicion on the part of the individual simply cancels out the attraction. It is negated as if it were not there.

The larger group or community generally ignores this as an isolated incident given the comfort of a great multitude of individuals who have already been drawn in and it moves along its way expecting its shear size to do the work of attracting for it.

ASIDE: It should be noted that smaller groups envious of the larger group’s size will often, and to their danger, seek to emulate the larger group’s tactics of attraction by sheer existence and in doing so miss the point of community altogether.

If one views the attraction of the group more like an embrace however instead of gravity one comes to see that there is indeed a responsibility on the part of the larger group to act intentionally to attract and draw in the individual. In fact one comes to realize that this is what relationship and community is all about and when dealing with humanity we should speak and ACT in terms of communal relationship and NOT in terms of physics.

When we understand this we realize that the community that simply relies upon its sheer size to attract more people is no different than a black hole that consumes the individuality of its constituent parts. This then is a form of death and the community becomes the destroyer and a dead thing in and of itself. A black hole does not act out of a sense of loving responsibility – it acts simply because it is. A community group or even individual seeking healthy relationship has a responsibility to act, a responsibility to reach out because this is its nature.

All this to say that for the community that seeks to be true to itself it must actively deny its own gravitas, recognizing that its simple existence is nothing special, and intentionally reach outside of itself and into the world to engage and embrace out of a sincere desire for genuine relationship. In doing so the community becomes what it was always meant to be – a multifaceted collection of bright stars, dancing together but not consumed. A vibrant showcase of talent and gifting each seeking to reflect that collective embrace that drew them in the first place. This is the community that regularly “goes out” of itself and brings its message into the world because it recognizes that this kind of existence is trans-formative.

“He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
    and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.”

– Isaiah 53:2