I struggle with this concept, the concept of self-reliance. Oxford defines it as “reliance on one’s own powers and resources rather than those of others” and our society inherently rewards it.

I remember when I moved out and went to university. The first small feeling of self-reliance, and while I was receiving government assistance for school it was an investment in me and my future…it was a step toward self-reliance.

There have been many steps in this direction…my first career-related job, paying my first rent cheque, buying my first car, building my first house…all of these things make one feel independent and self-reliant.

As a pastor I listened to other’s struggles but rarely let other’s know about mine…more self-reliance but not healthy self-reliance.

It feels good not to need others but it is so strongly against the stream of the Gospel I believe in. It may be my greatest struggle right now (and perhaps it has always been). I cannot stand burdening others with my stuff, whatever it is. I once even had a hard time receiving gifts from others until a very wise friend of mine chastised me and said “Peter – you need to learn to receive or else others will never get to feel the blessing of giving…” I have never forgotten that statement…it has become part of my foundation.

Still it is hard. Life ebbs and flows and I used to pride myself on being able to identify with Saint Paul’s statement that “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

I think it is easier to be self-reliant when you don’t have others relying on you. To be alone is not a good thing to be sure but then you can cut back your lifestyle to the bone and you only have yourself to complain and you can easily ignore your own inner voice…it is much harder when you have others.

Having spent 9 years on post-secondary education and now being at a point where self-reliance is a bit of a joke is definitely a humbling experience…and humility is supposed to be a good thing but in this instance it doesn’t feel that way…it feels like water filling my soul; it feels like drowning.

The sin of self-reliance has certainly become a relational barrier in my life; a barrier between myself and others; a barrier between myself and God and it is one I am not sure how to overcome. I am reminded of Ephesians and the wonderful, powerful statement:

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.”

Christ breaks down walls, Christ destroys barriers….Lord I have so many barriers in my life that need breaking down. Come Lord with your hammer…