I sit near the back of the small sanctuary before the service starts and ponder the stained glass window behind the altar. It takes me a while to realize that it is a depiction of Saint Thomas kneeling before the risen Christ inspecting his wounds. Of course it is – this is, after all, St. Thomas Anglican Church…but I tend to forget these important details in my dazed walk through life.

I wonder who would name a church after a doubter but after a brief web search this evening it seems quite a number of people. There are 121,000 instances of the exact phrase “St. Thomas Anglican Church”.

It seems appropriate in an odd way though. I have always been a “head” Christian and have always struggled with the “heart”. Thomas may have understood this – seeking to have his faith confirmed with concrete observation like the good skeptic he was. Christ downplayed this aspect of the faith and for good reason…it is not enough. For a moment Thomas believes he has been rewarded but it would not be long before he is likely wishing for something deeper and more satisfying than “proof”.

I am empirical that way. The frustrating thing is there is plenty of evidence that evidence just will not cut it in the end. I seek to love God with all of my mind, some of my heart, a bit of my soul, and a shred of my strength – such as it is. This is not a good place but it is a start I suppose.

How many of us wander the world with such threadbare impoverished faith. We go from place to place seeking scraps and morsels of God from others only to be satisfied briefly and thirsting for more. Wanderers in the desert seeking living water from the well that never runs dry and finding we must squeeze brackish drops from moist clay dug with all our strength from beneath the earth.

Sometimes it hardly seems worth the effort.

The alternative is less satisfying though. To turn back to the old ways; to yearn for slavery and the appetites of Gomorrah is to seek salt – forever preserved in a state of pure poisonous doubt.

Thomas is a lesson however. Christ chose followers who were representative of each of us somehow. Thomas asks and receives…he probably received more than he bargained for…I would expect his doubt was not alleviated by placing his hands in Christ’s wounds. This was what Christ was trying to tell him – “blessed are those who believe and have not seen”. In this instance I favour the translation of the Greek word makarios as happy rather than blessed. “Happy are those who believe and have not seen”.

Whatever…church was good.

There was the gathering of the faithful seeking only to bless and be blessed. There was communion with the bread and the wine…sweet, potent wine which was shared by all – pleasant on the tongue and light fire in the throat…blood and spirit; sacrifice and rebirth.

Church was good.

I appreciated the message and the readings from Exodus, Psalm 114 and Romans…particularly Romans. The theme – the greatest mark of the believer is having and exercising the attribute of forgiveness. We forgive as we are forgiven. It is never a question of who needs to forgive me – it is only a question of who I should forgive.

It goes without saying that I need to be forgiven…every second of every day. Who should I forgive? Everyone of course. But that is a vague and unsatisfying answer.

To forgive I need to know the ones I am forgiving. To know requires genuine relationship…you get the point. I have to leave my cave to do all this…I have to be in communio sanctorum.

Anyhow – all this from church…one of the reasons I go.

Church was good.