i am afraid of the dark and have been all my life but lately i am wondering if it is not the dark i am afraid of but the emptiness of the dark. perhaps i am more afraid of the isolation…of the loneliness of the dark more than the dark itself. i have written about this before…i theorized that i must be afraid of myself because i was the only thing there. but…i think there is more.

i come from a family that does not like to be alone. generations of men and women who cannot stand the idea of growing old and dying alone. it is genetic somehow. i don’t like the idea of being alone with myself. it forces me to come to terms with who i am and the things i have done etc. of course i know i am never alone and God loves me and Christ has saved me but perhaps i don’t know it enough to not be afraid of the dark…to not be afraid of myself.

how is it that i can be my own ghost spending day after day, night after night, haunting myself? it is a strange thing.

i am my own ghost
haunting the halls of mind
dragging chains along my soul
what a strange doppleganger
living life as my own shadow