I learned something new about love today. I should say perhaps that I was reminded powerfully of the nature of love because I am sure I have been told over and over this thing that I have learned but today it stuck in a way it has not before.

As with all of my writing I will choose the round-about way of getting to the point rather than simply coming right out and saying it.

Physics defines light as both a particle and a wave. To describe it as one or the other is to diminish its nature. To define it as one over the other is to do it an injustice. One can only capture the essence of what light is by speaking of it as both particle and wave and in so doing one not only does it justice but creates a mystery out of it as well. The irony is that by defining it fully one becomes aware that it is somewhat undefineable. This is not only the nature of light but also the nature of God in His triune form and also of love.

This week has been tough. I have been trying to balance work with the kids and as most people with children know this can be a challenge. They are awesome and I am quite happy with my work but the two do not often see eye to eye. Over the past few days my daughter has been particularly trying, constantly annoying her brothers, jumping all over my back, throwing things around her room, she’s been a walking tornado of tumult. Yelling and punishing clearly were not the answer because they did nothing to alleviate the behaviour. Finally I turned away from the keyboard and said in a last ditch and exasperated effort – “would you like to go for a walk?”

I fully expected this latest effort to fail. I expected another fit of despair and rage. Instead, as soon as the words were out her face lit up, she smiled and proceeded immediately to prepare. Plans were being made and revised as gloves and coat were put on. “Is it all right if I ride my bike slow and you walk daddy?” “Yes.” “Can we go through the park along the way?” “Yes.” Suddenly everything was good. Everything was fine. Suddenly she was happy. Why?

What had I done? I pondered this. Why the change? A walk? What is the big deal? Then it occured to me…the act of going for a simple walk with her had enfleshed my love. All that I had always said to her became real and invaded her life. Somehow the words were never enough. Somehow the certain knowledge that I loved her was not enough. Something about the intentional act made my love real or complete to her and when that happened she became happy.

Love is a feeling. Love is an act. Love is both and to define it as one or the other is to do it a dis-service. Love as a feeling is incomplete and unintentional like a church that does not serve but is content to bask in the knowledge of its own salvation. Love as an act without feeling is a lie and ultimately offers no healing like the social gospel without the gospel. Love is both feeling and act with neither taking precedence over the other. This is the mystery in that one cannot say love is first feeling than action or love is first action than feeling…somehow it is both/and.

My daughter knows I love her in the same way we know that sunlight is warm. She felt that love when it acted intentionally in her life in the same way we are warmed by sunlight when it lands upon our skin. It is not enough to know in the middle of February when it is cloudy and minus 30 degrees outside that somewhere there is warm light…we need to feel it to be satisfied. Love is like this.

Words are the bridge between feeling and action. Words are intentional. Words are an act unto themselves. Words communicate the inner feeling and make that feeling real in the life of the other. The Word is the bridge between the heart and the life of the one whom the heart yearns for. The Gospel of John best describes this:

“In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God….The Word became flesh and dwelt among us full of grace and truth; we have beheld his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father.”

1 John 4:19 says “We love because God first loved us.” How? By His Word he created all things. An utterance of His forever love. His Word was given flesh and walked among us so that we might experience the very nature of His love. He loved that we would love. He loved in feeling and action together – the Word becoming flesh.

There is no order or priority to love…it is not feel first and act later or act first and love later in the same way that light is not first wave than particle or particle than wave…it is both…anything else is simply a shadow and undeserving of the term.

My daughter taught me this today.

I received another book to review from Oxford University Press called Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers is Telling the American Church. I am hoping this translates reasonably well to the Canadian context. I am eager to read this as it is based on the recent and large National Study of Youth and Religion.

One of the questions the book seeks to answer is why are teenagers (and to this I would add young adults) are so positive about Christianity and yet at the same time so apathetic about the genuine practice of the faith?

Researchers found that teens have embraced what author Kenda Creasy Dean calls “Moralisatic Therapeutic Deism”, described as “a hodgepodge of banal, self-serving, feel-good beliefs which yields a default spirituality that bears little resemblance to the historic teachings of Christianity.”

The book points the finger of blame squarely at the Church, or in this case churches who have become little more than echoes of culture focusing primarily on achieving numbers of youth through entertaining with a thin veneer of faith slapped on top. A faith without substance focused on entertainment disguised with words like “fellowship”.

The title comes from the work of two 18th century giants of faith, George Whitefield and John Wesley. The book opens with quotes from each author, Whitefield wrote:

“An Almost Christian is one that is fond of the form, but never experiences the power of Godliness is his heart.”

The quote from John Wesley states:

“The Church is full of almost Christians who have not gone all the way with Christ.”

I find it amazing that little has changed in two centuries (and likely gotten worse). We fail to teach doctrine and solid theology to youth out of a fear that they will be bored and leave us with small numbers. This mindset comes from a larger mindset that measures the power of God at work in terms of attendance rather than impact on lives and subsequent impact those lives have on others.

Pneuma she dances dream-like in the covering night
moving in a memory of shameless creation
lifting old men’s eyes to a young man’s sovereign sight
her hands lay hold of end-time’s eager elation

this is where the dust is woven to lovely life
the place of endless breaths to the heart
while she in dew dappled skin ends our strife
with inks of hope, love, grace she tattoos art

upon our skin, upon our eyes, upon our soul
there is no empty, there is no crush, no hole
she makes us complete like a dying day’s cry
her kiss pressed firm upon our lips will not die

she is the feeding in dry desert
she is the rock-rolling lifter of death beneath the sod
she is the life giving light overt
she is our face, our wisdom, our eternity, she is our God

kneel…

i like to watch the light
it moves it moves it moves
the cascading, the never fading
a kind of wandering wave
drown me in the warm flood
this invisible brilliant life-blood

there is an audience here
row after row of wily witnesses
dead and alive and all upright
rigid watchers through day and night
all with something to say
they want to frighten,
they want to enlighten
crying –

“tear us open
take out our insides
to learn the past
to learn the present
to learn the future
divine the world
through us”

poets, playwrights
scholars and crazy men
the passionate and the haters
twisters of fate and fortune
the sad and lonely
drunk, drug infested
saints and sinners
clamour for the eyes
of us all
for it’s with the eyes
that we fall in love
they want our love
they sing for our love

“come crash upon our shores
look upon our pale flesh
tattoed with ink from the forbidden tree
take hand and take hold
in our submission we will
keep you captive –
forever”

Books for me often seem to arrive at divinely inspired times. For instance today, I strolled haplessly to the mailbox expecting the standard junk mail which I fiendishly cram back into the mail slot, only to find that Graf-Martin had sent me a copy of Andy Stanley’s new book The Grace of God.

While already overloaded with books to review, not to mention work and a not-so-quiet life right now another book seems a tad cumbersome. Yet I will likely lay aside all the others to read this one because it seems to me an oasis in the desert. I greatly appreciate the writing of Andy Stanley. He has in the past focused primarily on what we might call “practical” aspects of faith and so I am intrigued and genuinely compelled to read what he has to say on something as unquantifiable as grace.

On the back cover is an excerpt that reads:

“Grace. It’s what we crave most when out guilt is exposed. It’s the very thing we are hesitant to extend when we are confronted with the guilt of others – especially when their guilt has robbed us of something we consider valuable.”

How can one not want to read such a book. Stay tuned for the review.

I had dinner with good friend Steven tonight at a not-so-near Indian buffet. It was a pleasant dinner filled with laughter and of course much (too much) food was consumed.

Through the course of the meal Steven mentioned that I need to work on my patience. He has reminded me of this on many occasions and every time he has mentioned it he has been correct. It’s one of the things I appreciate about him…his courageous friendship. His willingness to get into the trenches and call me on the tough stuff. He is never mean or judgmental, simply matter of fact. “Pete,” he says, “you need to work on your patience.”

I have always respected his steadfast and resolute character. There is no bullshit in him and he has always been a model of concern for others as long as I have known him. Unconcerned about what people may think or say about him he simply forges through life and tries to be the best he can be. In that sense there is much I can learn from him.

My friends have always been gifts of one sort or another. Mike, who I have known now for 28 years has grown into an incredible man of faith. A man of deep integrity and character who is his father’s son.

Brenan is far away in Atlanta now but has always been the kind of friend to drop everything and come to see you. Selfless and giving he is someone I have always admired and while we do not see each other often ours is the kind of friendship that is the same regardless of temporal or geographic distance.

John is not so far away. He sees pain and seeks to heal whenever and wherever he can. A strong and compassionate listener he is always unquestionably there.

I am not an easy person to be friends with. I know this. I can take friendship for granted and go long stretches without calling or e-mailing and then suddenly turn up on your doorstep. Inconstant and overthinking I can be pretty annoying. Sometimes arrogant and egotistical and other times mopey and selfish and yet these and other friends persist. They are mentors in my life and remind me of a powerful verse:

John 15:13 says “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

In their way all of my friends have laid down their lives for me in one sense or another. I greatly appreciate the above verse for the context within which we find it, John 15:9-17:

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because servants do not know their master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.”

Christ is not saying “obey me or suffer my wrath” nor is he saying “obey me or I will abandon you”. He says “obey me so that your joy may be complete.” I hope that my joy may one day be complete. In the mean time I have much to learn from my friends and I appreciate that they have all been good and patient teachers.

frown spins down t’ward hell
thin crack of bent brokenness
designed to break souls

smile points to heaven
a piece of God upon earth
lifting hearts skyward

why
is night’s heart
cold like winter’s breath
a shrill song carried on the wind
banshee mourning for her lost love
to raise the skin like fear from underneath
a million tiny daggers drawn out of sheath
no shelter from clouds close above
the space of up and I has thinned
just a memory of shrill death
and shadow art,
why?