Seeking God
I wonder what it really is we are seeking when we claim to be seeking after God? I have noticed in myself that I often find myself coming up disappointed which can only mean I have not been doing a good job in the hunt. I have a skeptical nature which I fight to keep from becoming cynical which I view as sinful (BTW – I recognize the irony of a statement that speaks of steadfastly attempting to avoid sin in one area while whole-heartedly pursuing it in another…such is human nature). When I encounter those who have claimed to not only have sought but in fact have found God I wonder if their expectations were simply so low that they could not have helped but to find exactly what they were looking for.
Don’t get me wrong I understand that we have been told to "seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened unto you" but these verses from Matthew 7 are about seeking the kingdom of God. I do not know if I can claim that the kingdom of God and God are synonymous with one-another if you know what I mean. If one finds the kingdom of God has one in fact found God? I cannot pursue this line of thinking right now because this post is about seeking God and not the kingdom of God (whether or not you see them as the same).
There are some theologies within Christianity who believe God cannot be found by any human effort and I think I would agree. I am not saying evidence of God cannot be found for all of creation speaks of God so-to-speak. What I am saying is finding God on our own, with our own faculties. God in this sense is so beyond us that we do not go to him but he condescends to come to us. We cannot reach him with any human effort (and God knows we have tried in so many various and sundry religious ways). Even our prayers must be taken up by him.
So then to seek after God is a lonely task for we are bound to fail. Perhaps then we must put ourselves into a place where he will find us. Perhaps we must allow ourselves to be lifted to him, by him and in being found we may begin to be healed and transformed. There are many places in scripture where God seeks after humanity. He calls to Abraham. He whispers to Moses on the wind. He seeks and dwells with Israel. But never is it human effort that seeks out and catches God.
Contrition draws the eye of God. It is not our nature to desire such a state nor to linger in it long if found there. Humble and broken. Humiliated and crucified. The shame of the cross instead becomes a shiny ornament displayedproudly around our necks.
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It is true…to stand beneath the gaze of God is no easy thing. Sometimes I feel like an insect that runs and hides from the light prefering the darkness more.
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