I have been thinking of the character of the older brother from the parable of the prodigal son a lot lately. I am not sure why but his character has come and gone in my mind numerous times over the past year. The older brother is ironically often eclipsed by the characters of the father and the younger prodigal in people’s analysis. It is ironic because the older brother a vision of frustration and anger at the loving and forgiving response of the father to the return of the younger brother.

 

The text from Luke 15 reads as follows:

 

"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’ "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ " ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ "

 

File this under "simple things make Pete happy". Went for a walk this eve and a good chunk of it led through the golf course…well by the time we got to the end of the course we were walking under the load of 41 golf balls. Being a bit of a research nerd I thought I would provide some statistical analysis since 41 balls seems like a fair statistical sample.

 

Here are the balls by make:

 

#1 – 15 Spalding (primarily Top-Flite) including two ancient ones – a Star Flite and a SupraTour

#2 – 6 old Titleist

#3 – 3 Callaway

#4 – 2 Maxfli

#4 – 2 Dunlop

#4 – 2 Srixon

#4 – 2 Ultra

#5 – 1 of each of the following: Nike, Chi Chi Rodriguez 🙂 , Hogan, Brute, Gary Player Black Knight, Pinnacle, Wilson Staff, Precept

 

According to my find 37.5% of golf balls used in Morden are Spalding, 15% Titleist, 7.5% Callaway, 5% Maxfli/Dunlop/Srixon and Ultra, and 2.5% various. Given these stats if I were a company ordering golf balls to hand out as a marketing tool/gift it seems pretty clear that Top-Flite is the way to go.

 

The Chi Chi Rodriguez golf ball was manufactured in the 60’s. Someone on eBay is selling just the empty box that contained the balls (no balls included) for $50.

 

All in all useless info but for some reason interesting.

 

 

walk in step to the east to the east

toward eden rising lost in mists

eternity’s dream buried by hammerfall

still

to sit before her walls and weep

is preferable to the cursed ground

to offer self to her circling sword

is preferable to wandering dark

and when the breathing breeze is right

I can smell truth as it winds through the Tree

and when it is quiet as death in the water

I can hear the footsteps of God in the moonlight

may earthen clay enfold me here forever

 

In the midst of the tumult and numbness of the past week, month, year, life, it has occurred to me that life goes on whether I want it to or not. A significant part of life going on for me (assuming I want to participate in the going on and not simply sit here and mope in sackcloth and ashes) is writing…and so I write. I don’t claim any talent, simply passion. I love to write and while I may be somewhat stoic in person or perhaps goofy at times or simply there one can never assume that is necessarily what is going on within me. In my writing however you get close to the core of who I am and so you may trust it (at least a little more than you might trust me).

 

So here I am sitting and wondering what’s next? I have had a few "life transitions" as have most of my Gen X partners and so fear is not really the dominant feeling right now. Really the dominant feeling is one of having come untethered from a safe harbour and thrust into the admittedly exciting storm of an unknown future. Of course I hold to the hope I have always held to in Christ and the promises he has for me and the rest of us. I know these things. Still I feel unsettled.

 

The point of this is to warn you that the seas ahead may be somewhat similar to where I am – unsettled. You will see it primarily in my writing. I send this note out particularly to my silent watchers in wings. I want you to know that sometimes I will write things that you might find unsettling (perhaps even offensive). And while I will letyou know in advance I offer no apologies, I do this not to be provocative but simply because I believe things need to be said. You may be concerned with words I choose to use, or titles  come up with. You might be worried that I am not writing in a suitably depressed and sad tone more appropriate to my new station (or perhaps the reverse). All I can say is such is life or in the latin words of a favorite journal of mine "quod libet". I have never been fond of censorship most especially self-censorship as it seems to me to be a form of self-denial and certainly at the end of the day dishonesty.

 

So then what am I encouraging. My friends I am simply encouraging dialogue. Dialogue is, by, nature, two-way. I seek dialogue everywhere. I seek it with God and I seek it with you. Let us converse together about things. If you find something I have written to be dubious or offensive by all means I give you permission to be courageous and speak to me or write to me at cantelon@gmail.com . Tell me what you are thinking. At the end of the day it may not change anything but I commit to hearing you and engaging you in meaningful dialogue.

 

I would also encourage you to have meaningful dialogue about my writings amongst yourselves. But when I say meaningful I mean dialogue that discusses the merits (or faults) of the writing and its content. I do not mean (and quite strongly discourage) communication with others if it is primarily meant to be a roundabout way of communicating with me…this is not dialogue it is really fear and fear is usually fairly destructive. As an example I mean communicating either an approval or disproval of something I have written to someone else in hopes they have the courage to communicate that to me…I usually hear about it this way…

 

 

While I appreciate such sentiments I would much prefer you speak to me directly and hence allow us to enter into courageous dialogue. You should also note that as much as I appreciate happy positive comments I doubly appreciate constructive criticism. The positive comment is helpful because it makes me feel good and gives me a sense I am on the right track. Constructive criticism however gives me something to grasp and work with. It can move creativity further along than the still much desired positive comment.

 

So there it is…stay tuned for further writing in the form of poetry, reviews, rants, commentary, facebook updates, etc. and by all means remember I give you permission to be courageous. 🙂

 

my poor muse is bent down sad

like flowers after thunderstorms

every breath from her heaves heartache

while sorrow bleeds a river from her eyes

but i with hypodermic quill will draw it in

her pain an opiate for my pen

 

shadows on the face of things like india ink

black coal dark cloaking branches in the eve

while my eyes search like blind dogs lost in the fog

 

where is sunrise?

where is the east?

 

turn me toward the warmth of a new day

that i might move left then right foot forward

out of this glacial sleep

where even dreams are but frozen mist

and light is the unthought of brilliance

of a mind that has yet to exist