I had coffee by accident with an older gentleman (O.G.) this morning…my regular coffee buddy wasn’t able to make it so I was reading and then O.G. sat down and we talked. Old is getting more and more relative as I accelerate away from birth but I’d say O.G. was about 76ish. He was having his coffee and getting ready to head back to the farm to assist some cows in the birthing process.

 

We talked a bit and conversation led to his resigned realization that one day in the not too distant future he’ll lose his license and then he won’t be heading up to the farm anymore to help his son out. "That’ll be it then I guess" was what he said. It sounded pretty final, it sounded tired and a little regretful.

 

I think what he was getting at was once he no longer had anything "useful" to do his days would be numbered.

 

There was a time in our culture (and still is a time in other cultures) when families would take in grandparents and continue to honor them by allowing them to contribute in their old age. Communities were broad enough that even the elderly without children were welcomed into adoptive families and cared for. Contributions would vary from accessible wisdom to helping with the kids to simply being a presence in the lives of younger family members, teaching them the value of life in all its phases by allowing others to take care of them.

 

I really do imagine that when O.G.’s license is taken away and he is no longer able to help out at the farm he’ll likely diminish and pass on having past a point of feeling useful or needed. I can’t help but wonder if our elders would live longer lives if they could live with and be taken care of by the generations they spawned. I can’t help but wonder if their end years would somehow be better if they were surrounded by family.

 

I know there are special needs for some that require special training. I know there are circumstances where the best possible situation for the elderly is to be in a place where their specific needs can be well met. I understand that we, as a culture, are busy with our jobs and raising our own children. I know that it would add massive marital and financial stress. Still, it makes me wonder if we are missing something. It makes me wonder where I will be when I am 80. I think like most people I’d love to live with one of my sons or my daughter but I also wouldn’t want to be a burden. I would "understand" that they have lives too though…